A Joyous Perspective on Getting Back Up - Again. And Again. And Again.

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week about taking a punch. Not the physical kind of blow, but the experiences that come along in life that really knock you off your feet. The stuff you can't brace yourself for because you don't see it coming. Mostly, I've been examining people who have lived through some terrible hells, and were nearly finished, and made a comeback. Looking at my past blogs, I seem to write about some form of this a lot. And I think it's because so many people I encounter are looking for encouragement in a desperate time of life. And I think I have a little understanding of what that's like. How is it that some people can get up and keep going, while others roll up tightly into a ball? What are the components of a comeback, and repeating it often? But first,

This is not about remaining in an abusive situation, or for those who have an illness which contributes to depression.

I hesitate to use the word 'punch' or taking a 'hit,' because I know many are in such a deplorable relationship. If this is you, get out, now. It's also not a Sally Sunshine statement of 'it will all get better!' If you are suffering from long-term depression, or if you have a chemical propensity toward that, you need to find and maintain medical assistance. Now. 
If you need help, email me. I'll help you find assistance. (costa.joy@gmail.com)

So Life has knocked you on your ass. Again. What do you do?

The knockdowns and falls we suffer in life can be very much like the physical ones we experience. Have you ever actually tripped and fallen? Aside from the embarrassment, what thoughts ran through your mind?

Did you:

Cry?
Get back up faster than when you went down?
Take a few moments to regain your senses before standing?
Hit the ground so hard that you wondered how badly you were injured but decided to try to stand up anyway?
Blame someone else for making you fall?
Discover that someone was offering a hand to help you back up? Did you accept it?

The knockdown moments of life can cause us to react the same way if, that is, we even recognize we’ve fallen. People often “hit rock bottom” yet continue the motions of living, denying problems that are piling up.

Knowing you’ve fallen is the first step. From there, how do you get back up? Here’s what I’ve learned:

Stop dwelling over circumstances. 

So far, you've survived 100% of your worst days. You're doing damn great. (so keep going)

Lamenting our tragic circumstances, poor choices and the faults of others won’t get us back on our feet. While it’s important to learn from these situations, it’s even more vital to take these lessons to heart and not allow the past to root us down long beyond the expiration date. It's ok to live in a hole for awhile, just don't buy curtains and a matching rug.

Know what you’re capable of.

"It's not about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." 

~Rocky Balboa, in "Rocky."

We generally know it’s harmful to stay in a bad situation, but

sometimes we sabotage our attempts to leave. Setting goals that are out of reach not only create an environment ripe for failure, but it also feeds frustration and the sense of “I’m never getting out of this.” It's as though we don't want to move forward.

Ask yourself. What kind of goals are you setting? Are they realistic? Are they based on your capabilities, or someone else’s?
Perhaps you forgot the first goal: Get up. There’s no shame in starting small. Sometimes it’s the best way to start.

Don’t let other people’s expectations dictate your situation.

Just because your path is different, it doesn't mean you're lost.

What worked for a friend of a friend may not work for you. What used to work for me may not work for you. Have a conversation with yourself.  A real heart to heart. Be brutally honest. Are you allowing groupthink to swallow you? Are you enjoying the opportunity for an excuse to seclude and have meals brought in when it's past the time to need such support? Or perhaps you are being pushed beyond your limits, and you need to slow down.

We really are different. Some people are better equipped, physically, emotionally and spiritually, to bounce back. Others need time, which can take days, months, or even years. Don’t beat yourself up if it’s taking a long time to get up. The most important thing isn’t that you bounce right back; it’s that you want to get back up.

Do not blame others for your circumstances.

Thank the ones who knocked you down. They taught you that you could get up.

When there are human contributions to our knockdown, it's easy to point fingers. Hell, it may be justified. The trouble is, remaining wrapped up in being their victim keeps you a prisoner to their actions. Most of the time, they moved on a long time ago. It's time for you to do the same. 

Thanks for not killing me, because guess what, I am stronger. (My take on Nietzsche's words.) 

And adopt a mantra.

For me, it's "I continue."

So tonight, Chris and I will be toasting to getting up after a fall with a cocktail I call, The Bounce Back. After all, it helps to always keep a little cushion in your bottom, just in case you need to use it for what it was designed to do: sit, ponder and gird up the loins for another step forward. Cheers, Friends.

Joy's "The Bounce Back" Cocktail***

1 oz Pear liqueur
1 oz of Blackberry Brandy

1 oz Absolut® Vanilla vodka

0.5 oz Galliano® herbal liqueur

2 oz cream

Pour the Vodka, Pear Liqueur, and Brandy into a cocktail glass, stir gently until it has an even light bronze color. 

Put the cream and Galliano into a shaker and shake very hard for 15-20 seconds. 

Layer the Galliano cream onto the other ingredients, decorate with fresh berries and basil.

***Always drink responsibly