Balloon Anchors: Cutting the crap that holds us down.

It's Friday, and time for another Thought Tale Hour at the Henderson's.  This week, I've been thinking about making some moves in my life, and that will always mean a time of reflection for how I have arrived wherever I am before I take my next steps.  One thing that came to mind was how I had evolved this blog, where I share my perspective on both the simple and the sublime, and what drives me to continue with it. It helped to lead me to my calling.  I recall when it began.
It was 2009, I had just gone through a major life changing event. My heart was aching, and I was looking for something else to feel but pain.  I started writing about how I felt, and I started thinking I might have something to share.  The more I wrote, the more I saw that I was happiest when I was serving others who needed a hand.  Not the capable who could find anyone worthy of a large salary to help them, but those who needed someone to be there when they didn't have the voice to cry out for help.  These thoughts were like balloons that could help me float above the despondency of loss.
Little did I know that I was already on the right path, but I still had some anchors that were keeping me from allowing the winds of change to direct my balloons.  What was wrong wasn't the path I was on, but the mental habits, the anchors, that were stopping me from letting go of a sense of security found in a certain type of career.  I had forgotten a tenant I had preached for so long, life is a journey, and so is finding and living your passion.
I've been thinking this week about what the anchors are that I still struggle with in my journey. Here's a list of the prime anchors. See if you can relate.  It's a longer thought tale than usual, but I'm feeling generous.

Me, circa 1977

• Excuses

Deep down, I knew what I needed to do next.
I felt inspired to share my perspective, my truth. But I was held back by my own thoughts, such as:
I’m not good enough
I don’t know enough
I haven’t figured out the perfect passion to share
Who would want to listen to me?
I don’t have the connections
I don’t know where to start
What if this ends up being a waste of time?
Eventually, I had to face the fact that if I wanted to move forward, I had to do it despite the excuses roaming around in my head.
It took me until 2011 to finally let go of the excuses anchor.  Then another year to find where I really needed to be.
Letting go of my excuse-making anchor was a practice. I went from focusing on what could go wrong to asking myself: What tiny step can I take next?
I focused on what I could do with what I had. Amazingly, all I ever needed to do was to listen to my inspiration, and take the next step. By the way, sometimes just standing still and mulling over the inspiration is not an excuse.

•  Perfectionism

Grad Night, 1978

At that time, the tiny next step was to start my blog, "Life with Asides from Joy".  That’s when I ran into the next anchor: perfectionism. I wanted to get everything just right, so no one could criticize or judge me. Perfectionism was me protecting myself against the world. Still deeper than that, it was me making the dangerous assumption that I had to protect myself from something. Today, I see that perfection is a great ideal, but not an achievable goal. I’m always growing and improving.
I will never be perfect, and that’s part of the beauty of life.
I can only ever do my best. Following my heart is my job. Controlling life, and other people, is not.
What helps me deal with perfectionism is remembering that this isn't about instant perfection, but about constant progress. For me, I get better when I slow down, breathe and contemplate, but never stop. I'm getting better.

• What Will People Think?

Hand in hand with perfectionism is the habit of worrying about what people will think of me. When I started out, I avoided making the blog public,  because I was afraid that people who didn't really know me, but only knew of me,  would see what I was up to, and think it was silly. Today, I see how silly that fear was.
The truth is that people don't care about what I do. I say that in a good way. They have their own lives to live. I had to be honest  and see that even if people do care about what I think, it doesn't change how I live my life. I'm not going to let someone else stop me from following my passion, and living the life I know I was meant to live. I really never have.
People can say what they want, but I'll keep doing what I love.

• I'm a Fake

So now, I'm a Social Worker instead of a Business Development ace. My degrees are in Business, and I'm doing social work.
I don't have an education in this field. I worry about not knowing enough, not helping people enough.
This anchor is beneficial as long as it doesn't keep me from moving forward. It shows that I care about what I do, and the people I help. I don't rest on the laurels of my life experiences.
To deal with feeling like a fake, I like to get out my computer and start typing. I investigate the feeling. I ask myself questions such as:
What specifically do I think I need to get better at?
What do I do very well?

Bringing home my first borns, 1981

What have I learned in the last year?
What can I do to become better right now?
I will never stop learning, which means I can never know everything. I can only ever share what I know. And that’s enough. I may not be good enough at everything, but I’m great at the things I do know.

• Comparing Myself to Others

There are people out there who know more than me. Some are much younger - gasp!
This old dog has learned that comparing myself to others is a lie, because no one is like me. I’m not here to walk the path of someone else. My passion does not look like anything out there. I will tromp through the weeds and make a new path.
I work with what I have. I deal with my insecurity of not being enough. I allow myself to feel both fear and joy, because they are both sides of the same coin.

• Being Results Driven

Next up is the dangerous assumption that the more I achieve, the happier I will be.
When I was in the business world, I used to work around the clock, thinking that I’d achieve my goals faster. It got me some nice plaques that are in a box somewhere and gathering dust. I've learned that a quiet mind is contagious.  The humans I encounter often need peace and quiet. We gaze quietly together.  It's nice.
As I've relaxed, I've noticed that the less I force, the happier I am, and the faster the progress I make in helping the people I serve.

• Avoiding the Difficulty of Struggle

Life is difficult.
However, the problem isn't the difficulty of life, but my resisting it.
The more I resist life, the more I suffer.

One of my favorite pictures of me and my departed son, Seth

The more willing I am to face struggle, the more it melts away.
What matters is not what life delivers, but how I react.
I've noticed in my life that what I thought were negative events, actually led me to my passion, to my calling.

• Living Logically

Last, but not least is the anchor of wanting to live life logically - wanting life to make sense.
I can plan. I can try to figure out the future, but life doesn't care about my plans.  It's not in my full control.
I don't know where my life is going or who will remain in it to the end.
I can't keep looking back at decisions I make or others made and trying to find the reasons why.
The true logic is in the fact that I only need to be ready, and that readiness comes in continuing to seek my passions and develop them to their fullest.
My body may be full of fear, but my heart knows where to go. It doesn't give me a map. It gives me the next step.
I blend common sense with spirituality, and I move forward.  It works for me. It keeps me balanced.  It helps the balloons soar higher.

So to sum up.
I’m afraid.
I’m confused.
I'm anxious.
Yet I'm following my passion, and doing work I love.
It wasn't always like this. I had to be willing to start before I was ready. That was hard.
With each step, I've grown to trust myself, and trust life. I don't know what’s coming. And that’s okay.
I don't have to know.
All I have to do is hold on to the balloons and cut the crap.

We are toasting tonight with a drink I call "Floating on a Friday".  It's pretty good without the Tequila too, just in case you don't get Saturday off for your passions.  CHEERS FRIENDS!

Joy's Floating on a Friday Cocktail

1 cup of Strawberry Daiquiri Mix
1 cup of Pina Colada Mix
2 oz of White Tequila

Pour into a blender filled with ice.  Blend well, garnish with strawberries and pineapples.  
Enjoy the float.