Taking my life (into my own hands): My perspective on living it out, to the end....

Love to the end, and beyond

On this Friday night at the Henderson's Thought tale hour, I want to share what I've experienced this week surrounding the story of the woman who made the decision to end her life after learning of a lengthy and painful death ahead. I know you've read and heard a lot about it, but I think I have more to say, so here it is.  It's not my goal to proclaim my very settled personal beliefs here, but only my perspective, shaded by being a mother of many and a grandmother too.  This is an issue my loved ones need to be grounded in, and I'm concerned that one side is getting far too much press these days.

It's a dark subject - ending a life. I've decided to shine my  perspective on the subject by looking at what I see are the considerations that have been clouded over in the presentation of the facts.  I'm not asking you to change your mind about how you think about personal rights and freedoms, but only to take a moment to look at some parts of the act of bringing about one's own death, or facilitating it, that trouble me for what they lead to in a logical way of thinking. 

If A+B = C, then A-C=B

Because while we want to tie everything up under the neat and tidy banner of ‘personal freedom’ or ‘rights’, the ending of a life is one of those things that will always burst the seams, no matter how much scotch tape of reasoning we try to add.  I have a view that all life has purpose, and its purpose doesn't end when it does.  Yes, even after our death, we still influence, motivate and even at times, torment. When we stop breathing and all that surrounds that inhale and exhale has an incredible lasting impact.  Our end will always be a part of the story of our lives, and the story's end can be a punchline, a lesson, or a footnote.  No matter which one, we will not be a part of deciding what it becomes.  Whether I take a pill or go out in a blaze of glory, those left behind will determine what to file the end of my story under.  It wont be up to me.  I'll be dead.

The circumstances of our birth are often outlived, but those of our death last generations

Life is messy, and death can be even messier.  When we take our first breath, we begin to form relationships with everything and everyone we encounter ,and there is no question of this as a fact.  We assume that when we take our last breath, all of that stops, and we are at peace. Putting aside the fact that those relationships we've formed go on for just a moment here, I need to remind you that we technically really don't know what happens.  No one has come back to tell us with definitive proof, and those who do are often challenged as being delusional.  Truth is, we don't want to know.  We want to believe, we want to deduce, but those of us still in the land of the living come to a comfortable conclusion and we leave it there.  So from my perspective, encouraging or even cheering on stopping our own breathing 'on our terms' is like saying, "Hey, you go first..." when we are about to go around a dark bend.... 

Dave Benton, courage by example

If you found out how you were going to die, and you didn't like it would you end your life today?

Here's something we keep in the back of our minds, and try not to focus on: We are all going to die some day, and it could be at any second.  I've been reading a great deal this week, many opinions on the subject of dying and how people should be 'allowed' to end their lives, and I had a dear friend say that if someone wants to choose how they end their life to avoid pain, well that is their choice and we should celebrate those who have given them a 'peaceful' way to do so.  As one who had a very close family member get killed in a fluke accident, statements about freedom of choice in death really bother me. Sure, one might say that an accidental death or sudden illness is not the same as being told of a lengthy and horrible death, but it isn't going to sleep in my easy chair and not waking up either. The death 'with dignity' movement is sounding to me like a civilized version of the coup de'Etat. There's a circumstance of overwhelming, mind blowing pain, and we need to allow an end to the misery.  No one is held responsible, because it was the right and humane thing to do.  Their circumstance of impending death was horrific. A certified professional said so. Folks, I'm concerned about where we draw the lines.... And concerned about those that might be erased.

I like to think of myself as independent and capable, but what if I'm ever not?

Kara says it best.

Would I want my loved ones to take care of me if I were in a state where I couldn't understand them or know them and they had to endure great hardship to take care of me? These questions are far too complicated for simple yes or no answers and far too individualistic to comply with every single situation during every single time. Those are the things we should talk about - now.  The shock of a diagnosis, or the jolt of unrelenting loss can through someone into a highly vulnerable state.  From my perspective, it's not about the courageous facing down cancer and making a private decision to take a different route.  It's about those who might be coerced by a pessimistic caregiver or family members burdened by a financial situation.  That there might be a law which erases protections put in place to avoid victimization or abuse is of great concern to me.  I just don't think it's possible.

Taking my life into my own hands should mean grabbing it by the tail and refusing to let it go until it's completely played out.  From my perspective, when we begin to applaud or bring distinction to someone who ends it early, then we are calling the remainder of us fools.  It doesn't mean I don't have tremendous compassion and sadness for those facing mental or terminal illness, it just says that I want to demonstrate my compassion via providing hope.  And sometimes, that means urging them not to give up, and telling them that life will not be as wonderful without them, in sickness or in health.

No pretty pictures or frilly drinks, just some awesome people.

I've included throughout my post example pictures of some people who are in the fight of their lives, near the end of the story**.  I want to present them as the very loud voice that cries out for us not to tread lightly into the acceptance of something subtly provided as a humane choice.  I hope my diatribe starts some discussions tonight around the table, or at the happy hour.  Here's to living life - to it's end - and beyond.   

**in case the links don't work in your browser, here they are:
http://cocktailsandchemo.com/2014/10/08/broken-heart/
2) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_Wm2hS7MsM
3) http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/10/dear-brittany-why-we-dont-have-to-be-so-afraid-of-dying-suffering-that-we-choose-suicide/