"The Perfect" Friday Thought tale, on a 'very good' day.

It's Friday, and time for another Thought Tale Hour at the Henderson's. This week, I've had a heightened sense regarding the use of the word 'perfect' as it relates to our description of life around us.  What does it mean to compliment another human being by telling them that they are 'perfect'.  Are we giving them the highest praise and setting them on a path of continued success, or is this a subtle trap which can often set them up for a mighty fall when they are less then 'perfect'?  My perspective on praising and encouragement comes from a optimistic to a fault way of thinking and a cheering squad personality - so take heed to my words as I give you some reasons to consider a more careful use of the 'perfect' description - specifically as it relates to relationship status.

Performance anxiety is made, not born...

"Awwww....She's perfect...", words every mother or father has uttered upon seeing their beautiful newborn child.  Heartfelt words, meant with agreement and smiles.  My thoughts tonight are in no way aimed at these expressions and moments in time.  I'm more concerned for the unintentional expectations we can often create for some we may hold the most dear. 

When we define someone or something  as perfect, we really leave no room for improvement or refraction.  This is become the standard, and anything less is, well, imperfect... If the receiver of the word has a pulse, it's impossible for them not to take note, and measurement. They are now aware of your level of expectation.   When you verbalize to someone that they are perfect or have been perfect, you make them think this is the best you expect, the absolute best.  This is what makes you happy and keeps you from being disappointed.  Could this be where so many perfectionists are made? Focused and anxious on getting that look of acceptance from those they count as most important.

There's a big difference between doing your best and hitting a hole in one.

In fact, sometimes you do your best and can't even hit the green.  Other times, your best produces the elusive perfect shot.  But that's the way life is supposed to be. Perfection should not be a regular occurrence.  It is really more of a moment or instance within a collection of time than a complete event.  It's a good thing to motivate others to do their best, and in reality, that's what we expect. We should be surprised and wowed by perfection, not anticipating it at every turn.  

I realized as I was pondering this, that other than in a well defined set of rules and outcomes, most of the time, we mere mortals really have no idea what perfect is.  We know that there are times and happenings that appear to be everything we hoped for and more, but are they truly perfect?  Perhaps initially,  they seem to be, but then we grow, discover and learn that there is more, and perfection is once again raised to a higher standard.  Perfect should be fluid and whimsical, not stagnant.  

What's the deal with obsessing for perfect?

I am concerned that in the digital age where editing is so much at our fingertips, we have begun to expect and express perfection much more than is really fair to the world  and people around us. And in turn, a heightened sense of disappointment due to not getting a repeat of 'perfect' is met with a diminished sense  of gratitude for decent and good behavior or outcomes. We mete out the words 'that's perfect' far too often in our hyper edited and performance based world.  And the flip side is acceptance of good effort as being 'perfect', as if we feel we will miss something if we never find what is truly  and completely 'perfect'.

Me and my wonderful son, Marty

 

So let's relax and let perfect happen in it's own time.

Winston Churchill said, "To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often."  To end the expectation of perfect is not to lower one's standards, it's only to stop making it the key to your happiness. It doesn't mean you don't define and convey expectations, but when they are met, you just don't over score them. Who wants to live under the cloud of the perfect 10 or bust?

Tonight, I will be toasting to a 'very good' evening with my son, Marty, as he and I go enjoy a comedy show together in St. Louis.  I've asked him to take me to a place that serves 'Perfect Martini's' as a fitting salute to our toast.  My 'perfect' martini includes very little vermouth with a good vodka, 3 olives, and the most important element is that it must be shaken hard.  I like those little chips of ice in my martini, because they make it interesting.  Perfect can be so boring without those little jagged edges.  

CHEERS FRIENDS

Joy's 'Perfect' Vodka Martini

2 oz of your favorite Vodka

A splash of sweet vermouth

A splash of dry vermouth

Stuffed olives (I prefer garlic stuffed)

About an hour before you make the cocktail, put a couple of martini glasses in the freezer. Pull them out just before ready to serve.

Fill a shaker full of crushed ice.  Add all the ingredients, and shake hard. Strain into frozen glass and add the olives.