The Gift that Keeps on Giving: The Benefit of the Doubt

On this Friday Night Thought tale Hour at the Henderson's, we are topping off a week filled with a discussion at our house around what it means to give someone 'the benefit of the doubt.' Some of you scholarly types will quickly quip about how this is a simple phrase that comes from the practice of 'reasonable doubt' in a courtroom proceeding. A case closed right? But taking a closer look like a lay person, I think you'll agree, or, at least, concede, that this term is one we allow to roll off of our tongues quite frequently. And while we pronounce this with an only slight passion more often than not, the real gift of giving someone 'the benefit of the doubt' is certainly one of great distinction. Allowing another being this option is something that should bring with it peace and concession. Something in these tumultuous times we all value and need to experience more often.

But when you say it - you gots to mean it...

A few weeks ago I shared about not judging a person by the little bits of what you see, and that thought has now brought me to a deeper look at this turn of phrase. I've begun to see how many times I form a settled opinion on how another will act or if they are capable of a particular action just because of the 'evidence' I hold for them in my mind. And like most valuable lessons, as I preach to my grandson all the time, you learn them best by applying the golden rule first. When I experience someone assuming a thing about me based on some surface actions, I now can understand how out of whack I can be by doing this very thing to another. Perhaps it is evidence gathered from years of experience with someone. Maybe they've done this very thing many times. It might even be their personal mantra behavior - but I'm finding that I can rise a bit higher and bring a bit more peace to my life and others when I choose first to give 'the benefit of the doubt.' Could it be that this time, it was a mistake, or a misspeak.? Might they have grown a bit since the last encounter and I am just refusing to acknowledge this? Do I have enough evidence, in this very instance, to proclaim a judgment that can often lead to a tangle?

A few wrongs do not a war make.

It concerns me that so much of the strife we experience in our little worlds and the larger world today are the stuff of great historical wrongs that actually should have lost their vigor long ago. Even while the scars of the action still exist, they are still nothing more than healed wounds. When we always stand ready with our torch, waiting for the past offender to strike us again, we are a party to setting a fire where there should only be careful tending to the new structure. Why should we think that someone does not have the same desire to live in harmony as we have? A small action of offense is often just a standard reply, and it takes practice to change. We give others that practice when we respond with the benefit of the doubt, versus a sentence of guilty by association. I'm pushing myself to do this, and I can tell you it's quite liberating.

It doesn't mean you have to play in their sandbox...

I'm not advocating for confrontation or even proliferation of a relationship that has been harmful or destructive to you or those you love. Sometimes the best resource for ongoing peace is avoiding the person altogether. Don't seek out a beating that is beyond doubt. Remember, the premise is that you don't have full evidence to know what is going on behind the scenes, or that there has been a change of which you are not aware. Time has a great way of bringing truth to light, and often we just need to go to our corner of the world and ignore. My thoughts tonight are directed more at those particular encounters and relations we have in our lives. Connections that can never be broken and truly are in a way sacred. These are the ones where the gift of the benefit of the doubt should be given, often, and with repetition.

So tonight, as we enter into a few weeks of encounters with family, friends, and associations, we will toast tonight to practicing giving a little room to hope and preparing for the clean slate of a new year. I created a little something I call "Without a Doubt (It's Christmas)" to recognize all of the absolute wonders of our lives, and those things upon which we can build a foundation. May this new year bring us all many opportunities to see the benefits of peace as we resist the fears of the past. CHEERS FRIENDS!

Joy's Without a Doubt (it's Christmas) Cocktail**

Pour into a cocktail shaker, filled with ice:

1/2 ounce Malibu rum

1/2 ounce light rum

1/2 ounce blue curacao

1/2 ounce apple pucker (or melon liqueur)

1/2 ounce Goldschlager

1 ounce of sweet 'n sour mix

3 oz of pineapple juice

Shake hard, and pour into the iced cocktail glass of your choice.  Garnish with a chocolate covered cherry. Merry Christmas!

**Always drink responsibly. Never drive after drink alcohol.