Thoughts on the Impermanence of Life: Remaining consistent in the face of change.

Tonight at the Friday Night Thought Tale Hour at the Henderson's, we are culminating a week of additions and changes to our lives. Last Sunday, Chris looked at me and said, "Too many changes coming at me this week. I don't like change..." I chuckled as I was reacquainted with the reality of my dear partner in life's true passion for the consistent. He sees me as the oft provider of this thing that challenges him - change. And again, as I've done a hundred or more times before, I defensively responded, "It's improvement though, and that's the good kind of change..." Herein lies the intersection of two lives, each raised from exact opposite experiences when it comes to learning about the impermanence of life.
For Chris, impermanence was a crisis, for me it was an expectation. The melding of these two perspectives can be a joyous one when they strike the right balance. At any rate, it starts from making a declaration to...

Avoid the definition of insanity when it comes to change

Strive for consistency at all costs, or edit liberally as needed? Is either view advantageous as we humans roll with the punches of life? As usual, the best lies somewhere in the middle, and our partnership has thankfully pulled us both, sometimes kicking and screaming, toward that middle. Because resisting a change over and over will not delay the impermanence that surrounds us. It will frustrate us as we fight to hold on to the familiar. It will cause us to feel abandoned as we are left behind in progress. It can begin to feel like our feet are in quicksand as we optimistically wait for a bottom to appear. Or, perhaps you are on the other side, and it's those characters that have decided they WANT change which will intersect with your utopia. You put on your blinders, cover your ears and turn up the radio. Your war is not internal. Your battle will be with those who bring the facts of impermanence with them.

But while life is filled with impermanence, you do have to be blown away by it.

As many know, my husband and I have experienced one of the most devastating of life's blows - the loss of a child. Perhaps it is in these kinds of sweeping moments of change that the layers of how you've learned to survive change are stripped away the most. My seat of the pants come what may attitude did not dare rise to this occasion. In fact, I winced each time I was told how brave I was. When you are known for being strong, it can leave you very lonely for support. Chris' steady and easy-going attitude, usually buoyant, became deflated. In this time of having the very roots of your life suddenly pulled out, we were reminded that there remained a foundation of consistent values and knowledge that we could hold fast to. This change did
not have to blow us away. It could, if we let it, but we determined not to let it.

The impermanence of life leads us to face the opportunity of change, but it doesn't mean we have to become flighty and flimsy. Adaptation in the face of impermanence also doesn't mean we throw to the wind those things that keep us grounded and honest. These are points of consistency  that we can keep tucked away to keep us from losing perspective responding in a less that positive way to change. 

So this could be the end of my post...BUT...

Chris asked that I not make this too long, but I do have a little more to add. For those of you who are in the mood to read more, click here for a list of insights I gathered from thinking about change this week. As we toast to change, I thought it would be a good idea to enjoy a drink together that people are always trying to improve upon, but the original is still best: An Old Fashioned Cocktail. Change will come, and it can be for the better, but never forget the good memories of what was.  CHEERS FRIENDS!

The Original , Unchanged, Old Fashioned Cocktail**
1 sugar cube
3 dashes Angostura bitters
club soda
2 ounces Bushmill's Irish whisky

Instructions
Place the sugar cube (or 1/2 teaspoon loose sugar) in an Old-Fashioned glass. Wet it down with 2 or 3 dashes of Angostura bitters and a short splash of water or club soda. Crush the sugar with a muddler, chopstick, strong spoon, lipstick, cartridge case, whatever. Rotate the glass so that the sugar grains and bitters give it a lining. Add a large ice cube. Pour in the rye (or bourbon). Serve with a stirring rod.

**Always drink responsibly. Do not drink and drive - ever.