A Joyous Perspective on Mothering: 5 things I've learned about being a mother, from non-human animals.

My Mom and I, January 1960

Tonight at the Friday Night Thought Tale Hour at the Henderson's, we find ourselves on the eve of a weekend which celebrate Mothers. As I thought this week about how I could bring my joyous perspective to this holiday, I was struck by the appearance of a nest of baby birds in my backyard. I could sit and stare at the way a mother bird cares for her little ones for a long while. It lulls me into thoughts of comfort, security, and nurturing. I began thinking about just how much I have learned about mothering from observing other animals with their young.  I've narrowed what I think are the most significant down to these five.

1) Always have a safe warm place to cuddle your offspring, regardless of how naughty they have been.

I have never seen a Mother hen reject that chick that nearly got eaten by the neighbor's dog. Mom should always be a place where your young one's feel they can go to for a shoulder, a hug, or a pat on the back. Even if via Skype or email, no one can make a child feel comforted like it's Momma. It's that part of the aftermath of a mistake or a challenging time in life, or maybe just a tough day, that you want them to be able to always count on. Even when you are long gone, we hope that they can close their eyes and go to their memory vault of Momisms, and feel 'all better'.

2) Discipline must be immediate and firm. Even a small error to could later cause them great harm.

The Lioness who saves her cub from the jaws of the Crocodile due to it's playing in the reeds doesn't take a step back to think about what the right form of discipline should be. She metes it out swiftly and with vigor. She knows she will not always be there to prevent acts of youth, and that getting away with this now will only teach her cub that it might try bigger things later.

We are all born with character flaws that can only get worse with age, sometimes growing into life-altering habits. Kind of like an unremoved splinter in your pinky finger. They can take the whole hand off. Our female tender heart can oft stop us from the harsh discipline needed, or even worse, convince us we should relent because the little stinkers put on their best behavior to help us forget past errors. But the animal kingdom remains consistent and diligent because that will support bending that flaw into a positive talent. 

3) Teach them early that there is always at least one species that is bigger, smarter or faster than they are. It's not about being best, it's about trying to be a better them.

Watch any animal grazing or sunning themselves, and you will see what you believe is confidence in their demeanor. But look more closely, especially at the mother in the group, and you will note ears moving side to side to hear any approaching potential danger. We call Peacocks 'proud', but in reality, they will run like hell if threatened or approached. A false sense of security is really no sense at all. It's a good thing to instill worth and value in a child, but it's an unfair act not to prepare them for the challenges they will face. We all face obstacles, and being aware of that is a good thing. Teach your children to be aware of who they are, and to always live up to the best of the ability nature has provided them. They too will graze and bask in confidence.

4) If you hover over them too much or for too long, they will learn to run and hide from you. A little aloofness will keep them closer. You will always see them as your baby, but don't let them see themselves that way, or you will destine them to act that way forever.

I love watching Goats, and especially the babies. Their eyes can look a little empty, but they know how to have a good time. Mother goats don't dote after their little ones because if they approach them, the youngster will scamper off. Human children are like that too. Momma Goat is never really unaware of what her kids are doing, but you'd never know it by her attitude. We need to be a little like that too to help foster independence. There is nothing sadder than an over mothered human who never grew up. Just ask their spouse.

5) We can't always be there for our children, so celebrate and support the 'surrogate' or 'bonus' mom's that come into their lives.

A few weeks ago, my son Marty found a lost and abandoned Gosling in the pond at the facility where he works. He had earlier seen a mother Goose sitting on a nest, so he decided to take his chances and see if he could help the little one avoid certain death. After taking all the needed precautions, he carefully introduced the gosling to the surrogate mother. Momma took one look and gently guided the creature into her nest
Although I find Geese to be completely disagreeable, this one provided another important example to those of use who are Mothers. We are not the only 'moms' our kids will encounter, and we may not also be the only 'moms' they will love. Their emotional or physical survival may depend upon another woman placed in their lives who can give them what we may not be there to provide. While they are never going to replace us, they can stand in for us, and everyone benefits from being flexible to that.

My joyous perspective on mothering will be complimented tonight with a drink called "A Hug from Mother". I hope you will join me in toasting to all those mothers in our lives that have shown us the kind of care that can only come from someone who understands the importance of this role. May all of us who have been given the chance to mother always see it as one of the greatest opportunities we will ever enjoy. CHEERS, FRIENDS!

Joy's Hug from Mother

3 oz vodka

1 1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur

1 1/2 oz Chambord® raspberry liqueur

5 oz orange juice

5 oz pineapple juice

Chill all ingredients to make sure they are very cold. Combine ingredients in a glass. Let it layer out, or mix it to get a stunning green effect.