A Joyous Perspective on the First Quarter: Some asides on turning 25***

On this Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's, we find ourselves on the eve of another birthday celebration for one of our offspring. On Sunday, Aubree, Chris' first child, turns 25. For him, it's odd to recall her as a baby when he was nearly the age is now. Both of those memories seem very fresh. For me, I feel the whoosh of time as I remember a little girl just a little bit younger than our grandson Niko. Like all older people who are watching a dear one or near one mature, we often consider ways we want to make their lives better and assure that somehow, they will avoid making some of the same mistakes that we did. But even on a good and open-hearted day, most of us only really hear what is being said to us if we feel there's a real need. So on these milestone-ish birthdays, it seems appropriate to gather up some thoughts about what we might wish we could say to our 25-year-old selves if we could talk to them for just a minute. If we could get them to take a time out from the fast flowing stream of life most people find themselves in at this age.

After all, it's the end of the 1st quarter, so it's a good time for a breather.

I was interested to discover that the quarter has been symbolized for longer than you might think as a significant mark of measure. Everyone from Mystics to Mathematicians recognizes the quarter as a small piece of something bigger. If you dream of quarters it symbolizes activation or the start of something. Important beliefs or life situations are beginning, or being put into motion. You may also be listening to new ideas, or experimenting with something new. As a value, a quarter is just enough to merit in something to keep believing it matters. The investment is at a good place to review and evaluate. You have enough experience to build a case for your beliefs, but not so much that you can't let go of something that might be keeping you from your dreams.

At this birthdate, it's 25 years of being you. So now is the time to take what you know of you and.... Well, let me just share with you some great advice I gathered this week from some carefully selected sources. I smiled as I saw how most of the fell into thematic lines, as no matter how differently we experienced the age of 25, there are some common realizations as we look backward. And it all starts with identity.

Now that you know yourself, be yourself.

In this world where we categorize daily and place people in lists according to how we view them, those of us advanced in age want you to avoid becoming someone just to please another person, organization, or ideology. While most of us long to belong and be adored by others, we give up far too early on the hope that we can be accepted just as we are. Demonstrate true love and care for yourself first. Human nature is not to be engineered - it is to be developed. Some will offer you an improvement, but you still need to see yourself in your reflection, not their ideal for who they want you to be. One friend remarked, "I would show myself how competent I am." Revel in your abilities, and don't diminish them just to make another person feel stronger.

Now is not the time to put the pedal to the metal...

Your mind is sharp, your body young, and you've learned that you can cheat sleep and get in more play while still paying the bills. But another universal message you should consider is the faster you go, the more you will miss. While the world is pushing you to be more serious and responsible, don't forget that you are still very young. Frivolity and laughter should play an important and significant role in your DAILY life. Do the outrageous stuff while you can, and find a way to make it a hobby if you like it. If you are looking out the window of your life and you can't focus, slow down. Be present. Breathe. Enjoy.

Make your struggles and errors your whiteboard.

By now you've learned that there is no such thing as a perfect life. Mistakes will always be with you, but the key is how you choose to view them. One friend

shared, "Perfection is not a human notion - Life is a journey in evolution where all your great and poor choices become your master teacher." Another person summed it up with, "Find peace in your struggles -  they are the very soul of what your life's about." Know that you can erase many of your mistakes, but their outlines will always be there, in the background. They are more often an opportunity to grow then a reason to cringe in defeat. More than anything else, never let being wrong about something you really felt was right to stop you from trying again. Keep your drawing board active, and go back when needed.

Make room to take care of the weaker.

It's easy to enjoy the popularity of being a lauded by the vivacious and victors of life. You may be needed for a time by those wonderful souls, but keep your eyes open to those more quietly about you who hunger for a kind word or smile. They may be smaller, weaker, or needier, but they will fill your life with the unspeakable joys you receive by making a place for them. You may find this in volunteering or parenting, or perhaps in recusing animals, or perhaps all three, but find it somehow. As one friend said, "The little things are the big things in the long run." Don't overlook the small opportunities to give while looking for the larger ones. 

Don't discount that still, small voice.

Whether you've grown through life with a spiritual belief of some kind or none at all, you are now past the point of some decision on the matter. Regardless of your practice, I would encourage you to remain open to that side of your life that leaves room for the possibility of something more than that which you can touch or calculate. Those who have entered into the later quarters of life will tell you that the ability to find peace and wisdom will come in handy as you venture on. Sometimes, you may find yourself alone and in need of direction, and in those times, a conversation with all that is bigger than yourself will get you through. It's not a booming sense of reality, but a still, small voice within. If you think about it, you've learned to trust it. Keep the conversation going as you age. Most of the people I talked to this week shared how much their spiritual life had contributed to healing and goodness in their lives. If they could talk to their 25-year-old self, they would tell him or her to listen more to that side of their lives and avoid trying to second guess it. 

“Out beyond the ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” (Rumi)

And at the end of the day, all anyone can do is offer their opinions, and you will be left with the work of weeding through them. The funny thing about coming to the end of the first quarter is that you find yourself becoming one of the people giving out advice to those behind you in the game. The friend who shared the Rumi quote with me also reminded that one should not waste too much time trying to change entrenched institutions - and I would add or stubborn people. Live what you understand as truth and detached from the opinions of others. You will find your ‘people’ in due time. 

Even when the world does not make sense, people ignore your advice, others that you care for continue in pain and poor quality of life...you can know that a higher plane of purpose is unfolding. What really matters is our unconditional acceptance of who they are and how they choose to live and experience their life.  This is what matters.  As we want to be allowed to live our lives, we must know the 'pain' of allowing others to do the same. 

And last, remember - everything is going to be okay.

As I read those words from a friend, I thought back over the many times I have

both heard those words and spoken them to others. The older I get, the more I realize that the words are much more than a comfortable platitude. They are right. Everything is going to be okay if you just keep going forward. So tonight, we are raising our glasses to the first quarter, and those who are celebrating the end of theirs. I found a beer to toast  in Aubree's honor since I hear it is her beverage of choice. It's called "Truth Against the World". May all of your future quarters fill your life with all the desires of your beautiful heart, as you continue to pursue your truth. CHEERS, FRIENDS!

***Special thanks to Ava, Kay, Angie, Mark, Marlene, Shelly, Lori, Dave, Jim, Jamie, Suzan, Mary Kay, Michele, Kim and Tracey for sharing your insight and wisdom with me this week. And to Aubree, for her inspiration and love, that she freely shares with the world.