A Joyous Perspective on Gifts: How about giving something to you this year?

On this Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's, it's Christmas. As sit down for a minute and await those members of our family that could join us for dinner, I am looking at a houseful of gifts. Stockings filled with the crazy little things I collect that I believe everyone needs, toys and items I've been collecting for the little ones, and of course, the home that Chris and I have made together. But as I look inside and think back over this year, I know that one of the greatest gifts I am giving this year is one that is for no one. Only for me.

It's hard for many of us to bestow 

a gift to ourselves, isn't it?

I have always been what I will call a 'giver'. Some would say that this is an acceptable term for 'pleaser', 'court jester'. I'm only happy when those around me are happy, and I will do whatever is necessary to see to it that this happens. If you are one of these, you know that it can leave you feeling a bit exhausted. But God forbid you to complain because then it will seem as though you are only doing it to get sympathy. So you smile and laugh, as you feel your back and legs ache. But you sincerely love the feeling of seeing all those happy faces and spreading so much joy. It's pretty incredible really to make people feel special.

But all that effort leaves little energy for 

taking care of yourself.

I began to realize that I was putting so much effort into caring for others, that I forgot to care for myself. And, it becomes sort of a habit. Then you begin to think, "Well, this is ok. I am happy enough, and everyone is clearly happy around me." But whenever you are alone with yourself, you are still very aware of that thing that you wish you could do for yourself to be - well - better. You know what I mean. That thing you need to take care of, once and for all. To do, to finish, to go to, to master, to learn about. But when the heck is you going to have time for that?! And where is all the energy going to come from?

But just like you plan ahead for the gifts you give others...

You will only find the time and energy to give to yourself if you begin today. Yes, that's it, right now. The passion you put into making sure that those around you have all they need to have their heart's desire is the same kind of fortitude you have to muster for giving to yourself. It has to become of the utmost importance. Not an overshadowing thing, because that will quickly go by the wayside as your other obligations come along. But more like just a quiet little deal, you make with you. "Today, I will do everything I need to do to be sure that tomorrow, I am closer to (insert your care for you thing here).

I did it this year, and it was worth every minute.

Yes, this year, I gave myself time to take care of something I knew it was time to do. And sincerely, looking back, it wasn't all the hard. The key was not making it such a huge deal or time sucker that I would feel guilty or selfish and decide to stop. It was a little daily gift I gave myself so that tomorrow I would be better. And so today, I can say, "Merry Christmas to me." I am happy to say, it's a gift that I will continue to give myself, as it has opened up more confidence that I can also work on some other areas to make me better.

And when the "Giver" is better, everybody wins.

I want to encourage you to consider giving yourself a little gift. Look at that thing in the eye - you know the one. The one that has nagged at you for so long, and you keep pushing down deep into your brain. Let yourself know that you fully intend to take on this thing, minute by minute, day by day. Getting 'better' is not a destination that you arrive upon. It truly is a process. You'll want to rush it at times. It will seem too slow, and throwing it into hyper-drive will be tempting. But if you are honest, you'll realize that being impatient has been what's gotten you where you are now. You are going for something you can sustain, not just obtain.

And get stronger, day by day.

So tonight, as you are cleaning up the remnants of your celebrations, and looking through the many photos of this holiday, it's time to take a breath and focus on you. It's December 26. Another year in the books. What will you do with the next 365 days ahead? The time is going to pass, so what will you do with it? You can make a list of all the ways you wish to change the world around you, all of them necessary, but also impersonal. But how about if you decide to give yourself a gift this year? My cocktail recipe tonight will be a few of the main ingredients I've found to be important in giving yourself the gift of doing something vital for you. We'll be having a cup of coffee with Frangelico added, lounging by the tree and feeling very accomplished. CHEERS, FRIENDS!

Joy's Recipe for Making a Change

1. Just get started: There will always be a better time to start, but if you are ready, get going. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can begin today.
2. Watch the curves...Take it slow: A certain way to give up, even when you are cruising along, is to push yourself too hard and try to get to some goal line too fast. Listen to your inner voice. 
3. Trust yourself: If you are taking on something you've had a problem maintaining or finishing in the past, then you are an expert. Yes, a true Ph.D. Try seeing yourself as full of knowledge about how to succeed vs. a repeating failure. 
4. Do it for 21 days: Have you ever heard that if you can do something for three weeks, it will become a habit? While I am not certain it will become 'easy' or 'habitual' in 21 days, I can assert that you become more confident in your ability to sustain something. Don't look ahead to the end, just count off the days - 1, 2, 3.... 
5. Have a daily goal that supports a current objective: The big thing you are trying to do is an objective. It's the purpose of all your daily actions. And all of those little things you do daily need to bring you closer to the target. It's simple, don't overcomplicate it. Don't let it overwhelm you.
6. Share sparingly: In these days of electronic media that blasts our lives all over the world instantaneously, we are often over exposed. When you make a decision to do something for you, be aware that not everyone will be supportive. Keep it to yourself if at all possible. Some will argue that accountability is important, and there are times I agree. But be very selective about who you bring into your circle of sharing. It's safer and simpler.