But wait... Maybe we have. Our words have just gotten better at being negative faster.
With the news stream full of postings and tweets, we
read thousands of thoughts each day. Time doesn't allow for us to pause and ponder when we are in this state of mind, so the messages are targeted and tight. We see a comment, text or thought, and we can't just let it sit right? We have to respond and add to the words with our words. Even talk shows have their 'interactive forums' where you can quickly chip in your words and opinions.
Words are being used in some very negative ways.
- Words being used to discourage and squash hope.
- Words used as weapons.
- Words in a picture (now called a 'meme') used as though it will somehow change a mind.
But I ask you: When was the last time you changed anyone's mind by using sarcasm or dissent?
I initially saw this quote and, in true self-focused fashion, thought of putting it on a poster (or meme) to share with 'the rest of the world.'
But then, something a bit deeper poked me gently. If you are sharing this as a sage of wisdom, you’ve got this mastered, then right? And then I thought back to recent interactions on Twitter, Facebook, etc. when I felt like I responded far too quickly.
When I began to think about those small regrets that plague my running thoughts, so many of them came about because I didn’t adhere to the Buddha’s sage advice.
Perhaps Buddha might have been thinking of the words he describes in his quote as 'clean and bright' words. No dark and dingy meanings. No hidden agenda. No regurgitated sarcasm. No silly soliloquies.
So I thought about what feelings and thoughts might be behind my times of rapid fire misplaced communications. I came up with these three particular times:
1) I speak from frustration or out of anger.
Frustration is a tone filled with sarcasm. Even if the words themselves are genuine and necessary (such as: “because you sat on your butt, we are now late.”), they are not kind. The unkindness often comes through in the tone, if not the words themselves.
Anger is fueled by a reaction to another's words or actions. Even if your defense is warranted, we often give more power to the words of others with a response to them.
2) I speak to remove the discomfort of silence.
So many times I’ve been in the presence of people when there is an uncomfortable silence, and I am desperate to break it. But why? And is it uncomfortable. I don't think this is just me.
Inevitably, I end up speaking things that may well be genuine and kind but are certainly not necessary. And I end up feeling like a babbling fool.
Speaking just for the sake of speaking doesn’t help. And sometimes it can hurt if I’m talking in a rush, without thinking. So, the next time I’m standing with someone and conversation isn’t flowing; I will always stop myself and ask: is this necessary?
3) I speak to unload an ego-driven thought.
By ego-driven, I mean thought that makes my self-image feel bigger and better. Responding to a political pundit point fits well into this category. Or bragging about how my side is the only side. Complaining about an adverse situation is another. (Because in the complaining, I’m pointing out what everyone else is doing wrong.)
As usual, the sage advice seems so simple but is not at all easy to put into practice.
But here are three things to try before shooting word arrows in the sky:
Breathe.
Take a moment let out a conscious breath before speaking. It’s an imperceptible pause, but it allows you the space to consider your comment before it is spoken or written. Not only does it give you space for second thought, but it can also somehow magically reframe the situation and help you consider your words. You can also consider whether or not it's a wise use of your energy to respond even.
Respond; don’t react.
If you do decide to answer, consider this: There is a vast difference between a thoughtful response and a knee-jerk reaction. Often, the knee-jerk reaction is fueled by mental anxieties and fears. Enabling yourself to have a thoughtful response means taking control of the situation and not allowing the subconscious run your life. It gives you back the power and removes it from the other misplaced words.
Reflect.
Use the lapses in judgment when you’ve said something regrettable to consider why you responded the way you did. The trigger is usually only half of the problem. It’s worth considering what in ourselves, deep down, was irritated enough to strike back. Being aware of these personal vulnerabilities is what contributes to tremendous personal growth over the long run.
Ah, to have a life full of only pure words and positive interactions!
In the meantime, tonight, we are going to toast to
choosing our words wisely. I've decided on a cocktail called,"Lost for Words." It's a shot intended to demonstrate how a little can go a long way. Just like our words. CHEERS, FRIENDS!
Lost for Words Shooter
1/3 oz Grey Goose® Cherry Noir vodka
1/3 oz cranberry juice
1/3 oz cherry juice
1 cherry
Drop a cherry into a shot glass. Add the cranberry and cherry juice, then add the vodka. Place the lid from the cherry jar over the shot glass, and shake. Drink, making sure you eat the cherry last as it gives the sensation of lost words; best left unsaid.
I went looking for wisdom in the use of words, and I found this from Buddha:
“If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.” ~Buddha
I initially saw this quote and, in true self-focused fashion, thought of putting it on a poster (or meme) to share with 'the rest of the world.'
But then, something a bit deeper poked me gently. If you are sharing this as a sage of wisdom, you’ve got this mastered, then right? And then I thought back to recent interactions on Twitter, Facebook, etc. when I felt like I responded far too quickly.
When I began to think about those small regrets that plague my running thoughts, so many of them came about because I didn’t adhere to the Buddha’s sage advice.
Here are a few examples that spring to mind:
- Words I've used to defend against words thrown at me or someone I love as weaponry.
- The times I’ve blurted and blathered random nonsense while faced with another person in a quiet moment.
- The times I’ve made a negative comment about someone, even a public figure, online or otherwise.
- The words I’ve chosen when pestering my husband to get things done.
- All my many miserable rants about the usual things that annoy me in life.
Perhaps Buddha might have been thinking of the words he describes in his quote as 'clean and bright' words. No dark and dingy meanings. No hidden agenda. No regurgitated sarcasm. No silly soliloquies.
So I thought about what feelings and thoughts might be behind my times of rapid fire misplaced communications. I came up with these three particular times:
1) I speak from frustration or out of anger.
Frustration is a tone filled with sarcasm. Even if the words themselves are genuine and necessary (such as: “because you sat on your butt, we are now late.”), they are not kind. The unkindness often comes through in the tone, if not the words themselves.
Anger is fueled by a reaction to another's words or actions. Even if your defense is warranted, we often give more power to the words of others with a response to them.
2) I speak to remove the discomfort of silence.
So many times I’ve been in the presence of people when there is an uncomfortable silence, and I am desperate to break it. But why? And is it uncomfortable. I don't think this is just me.
Inevitably, I end up speaking things that may well be genuine and kind but are certainly not necessary. And I end up feeling like a babbling fool.
Speaking just for the sake of speaking doesn’t help. And sometimes it can hurt if I’m talking in a rush, without thinking. So, the next time I’m standing with someone and conversation isn’t flowing; I will always stop myself and ask: is this necessary?
3) I speak to unload an ego-driven thought.
By ego-driven, I mean thought that makes my self-image feel bigger and better. Responding to a political pundit point fits well into this category. Or bragging about how my side is the only side. Complaining about an adverse situation is another. (Because in the complaining, I’m pointing out what everyone else is doing wrong.)
As usual, the sage advice seems so simple but is not at all easy to put into practice.
But here are three things to try before shooting word arrows in the sky:
Breathe.
Take a moment let out a conscious breath before speaking. It’s an imperceptible pause, but it allows you the space to consider your comment before it is spoken or written. Not only does it give you space for second thought, but it can also somehow magically reframe the situation and help you consider your words. You can also consider whether or not it's a wise use of your energy to respond even.
Respond; don’t react.
If you do decide to answer, consider this: There is a vast difference between a thoughtful response and a knee-jerk reaction. Often, the knee-jerk reaction is fueled by mental anxieties and fears. Enabling yourself to have a thoughtful response means taking control of the situation and not allowing the subconscious run your life. It gives you back the power and removes it from the other misplaced words.
Reflect.
Use the lapses in judgment when you’ve said something regrettable to consider why you responded the way you did. The trigger is usually only half of the problem. It’s worth considering what in ourselves, deep down, was irritated enough to strike back. Being aware of these personal vulnerabilities is what contributes to tremendous personal growth over the long run.
Ah, to have a life full of only pure words and positive interactions!
In the meantime, tonight, we are going to toast to
Lost for Words Shooter
1/3 oz Grey Goose® Cherry Noir vodka
1/3 oz cranberry juice
1/3 oz cherry juice
1 cherry
Drop a cherry into a shot glass. Add the cranberry and cherry juice, then add the vodka. Place the lid from the cherry jar over the shot glass, and shake. Drink, making sure you eat the cherry last as it gives the sensation of lost words; best left unsaid.
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