A Joyous Perspective on Centered Motherhood: It's like riding a bike with no hands...

Me and the kids
climbing Rocky Hill

Tonight at the Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's it's the weekend of Mother's Day. I didn't realize that it would correspond with my finishing up a week's long look at being centered, but I'm happy it did. As I considered all the ways that being a mother has impacted my life, I could see how finding my centered self in the midst of all of it has often been a challenge. As I observe the mothers around me, it seems that the last thing kids support are finding our center. Mother's are pushed, pulled and prodded in many distinctive ways every day. Sometimes, many consecutive minutes of every day. As my 'kids' have become young adults, some with children of their own, being a centered mother isn't less important, it's even more crucial. I'm not just their family; I'm a significant relationship. You know how this relationship sometimes feels?

It's like riding a bike with no hands.

I was about 11 years old the Christmas I got my first

bike. I remember sneaking out of bed on Christmas Eve in the darkness. My sister and I just couldn't wait to see what 'Santa' had left for us. It was a terrible risk to take, as if we are caught, we would undoubtedly lose the gifts. I could see something shiny and prominent in the moonlight. Yes, there it was, what I had asked for: A three-speed bicycle. The answer to my dreams. 

And I wasn't disappointed. My new bike was the coolest mode of freedom I could imagine. It took me all around our ranch and down to the neighbor's house. Like an addict, I lusted for the feeling I got from riding past the house, Marcia Brady hair blowing in the breeze, singing “I Think I Love You” at the top of my lungs.

Riding something so beautiful gave me all kinds of cocky confidence. I was fearless. Within days, I was pedaling through the dirt roads surrounding the farms around us, arms waving madly in the air, shouting “Look at me World!  I’m riding with no hands!”

I let go without ever calculating the risks involved.

But when in motherhood, or any significant relationship, you feel surrounded by risks and their realities.

So the option of letting go of the handlebars is slightly more frightening. Even your quietest moments of seeking your center and finding peace are filled with thoughts of responsibilities, requests, plans, potential hazards - that centered place can seem mythical. You can fall into survival mode and grab on even tighter to the handlebars of your life, sensing the center is somewhere outside of you. Instead of embracing the feeling of freedom, you are always trying to grab it. It can seem just out of reach.

But it's not. It's still right there inside of you, just waiting for you to discover it again. You just have to get past the clutter.

In the complicated world of being a mother today, we are faced with many different kinds of relationships. My natural instincts were to find ways to control them all so that I could avoid doing a header onto the sidewalk. But the firmer my grasp, the more I felt afraid and wobbly. I was thinking more about falling than gliding. The road of the relationships was so varied; I could never be sure of the condition of the pavement that I traveled upon. 

I began to miss the freedom of riding without hands. 

I loved it, and I wanted it back.

Living life in balance has become a modern mantra of our age. But the quest for my balance caused me to nurture an unrealistic vision. I began to imagine that I could walk a tightrope that never swayed, fly through life without ever encountering turbulence.

Like many people, I wanted it all, and to be worshiped as an excellent mother by all. Reality taught me otherwise. Life is bumpy and often uncomfortable. I didn’t accept that truth gracefully but kicking and screaming, which doesn't bode well for being centered and balanced at all...

I became overwhelmed trying to keep all of our lives smooth and unwrinkled, so desperate not to face the unknown that my mind could not rest.

My unease at not being able to control life did not serve anyone well.

So I decided to let go. Just be me, a Centered Mother.

My favorite go-to slippers.

Hesitantly, like I just took off my training wheels. I went for it. 

I lifted my hands in the air.

Again.

So far, I’ve survived. Even if sometimes I haven’t been so sure that I would.

I’m learning to embrace that feeling and some days, I

even search it out. 

Every time...

Every time I feel my life sway from balance and into chaos, I remember that it is an opportunity to learn, even if I gain nothing more than that I can endure and return to the center.

Every time I feel overwhelmed by what my day has presented to me, I remind myself to have faith in the path that I am on. There is value in the strength that I have gained from falling and getting back up.

Every time I start listening to the voice that tells me I can’t, I focus my attention on all of the views that lift me up and say I can. I choose to let others support me, knowing that it honors their best intentions to do so.

Every time I feel lost, I stop, close my eyes, and feel the presence of my essential self. It’s the part of me that I‘ve possessed since birth, and that remains unchanged, no matter how much life shifts around me. I’ve found a lot of wisdom hiding there.

So tonight, we will toast to the place of centered motherhood, or fatherhood, family hood, friendhood. Sometimes the best way to regain our balance isn’t by standing still but moving forward. It's there we can relearn the joy of riding with no hands. 

I found a drink called "Joy Ride." Seemed appropriate, right? Cheers Friends and the happiest of Mother's Day weekends to all. 

Joy Ride Cocktail (Serves 2)***

2.5 oz Absolut Citron vodka
1.5 oz Campari bitters
6 oz sweet and sour mix
Four lemons wedges
2 tbsp sugar
soda water
colored sugar/salt for rim of the glass
Garnish

Muddle lemon and sugar in a mixing glass. Add ice, Absolut Citron, Campari and sweet and sour. Shake well and dump into a hurricane glass rimmed with sugar/salt. Spritz with soda

***Always drink responsibly.