A Joyous Perspective on Healing: It's all about the good stuff.

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's. Tonight will bring to a close a week of taking a closer look at the subject of "Healing". My hope was to share a little bit about how I've found deep healing in my life and inspire others to tackle their sources of hurt. It's been good for me to look at my continuing journey, and do some soul searching regarding the areas I still hope to bring forward. Quite by coincidence, as I looked at the date on this week's schedule of blogs, I recalled that tonight is near the date of a very special anniversary for my beautiful soul mate, Chris. You see, Sunday, August 7, will mark ten years that he has been 'smoke-free.' It brought to mind many of the reasons why going for complete healing, not just change, is a distinct difference between a temporary and a total turn around. Because,

How many times have you 'decided' and 'tried' to give something up for the better?

As you know, the statistics are not ideal for people who succeed in

giving up a highly addictive unhealthy habit. If you can do it for five years, you have a good shot. But here's the thing - if you are staying clean, but hanging on by a thread, chances are you are not dealing with the full problem. Take Chris for example. He smoked for over 20 years, and in that time, he had attempted to quit several times. Looking back, he realized that smoking had gone past just being a social connection or way to relax after a stressful situation. It had become a scheduled and necessary part of his life. Trips, events, work day - you name it - when and where he could smoke had to be considered and planned for. He missed moments at kids events, good parts of concerts, even important conversations if it was time for his smoke. I was never a smoker, but I can relate to this in other areas, can you?

And then one day, while watching a City Council meeting, he decided it was time to try again.

Urbana and Champaign, where we live, both passed aggressive anti-smoking laws. There would be no more 'smoking sections', which meant smokers would be outcast to the great outdoors. He would now have to figure in even more times of being away from others. He knew he could attempt to try it alone, but he didn't want to repeat the past, so this time, he sought out a Doctor's help. His doctor put him on a low dose of an anti-depressant, and he was given directions for how to get down to no cigarettes in 3 weeks. (The back story to how he was given the wrong prescription directions is a classic. If you know him, have him tell it.) 

I'll never forget the day he went outside to smoke his last half a cigarette. We were in Boston, and it was blazing hot outside. I watched him from a high-rise hotel as he stood there in the sun, looking down. I wondered if he could give it up this time. When he came back in, I asked, "Well, are you sad?" He just chuckled and said, "I'm ready." And you know what? He was. He's never looked back, and quitting smoking has more than likely added years to his life.

So what can we learn from people who have successfully healed from wounds and their resulting habits?

There are only a few very significant points that have to be addressed if you want to make a hard and lasting healing change. Everyone is unique, and the steps may have a few variations, but I believe it comes down to 3 things:

1) If you want to change anything about your life, anything, you first need to decide you want to change.

It can't be your doctor, your significant other, a big event, or anything else. You are the only one that can make the decision. You are the only one who can call BS on yourself when you try making excuses for why it's not that big of a deal, or you can wait until Monday. Decide and then....

2) The next thing you need to do is take action, immediately! It doesn’t have to be anything huge, just take some action.

Maybe it's just looking up various methods or reading stories about others who have succeeded. Perhaps, like Chris, you need a plan to follow with progressive steps. Whatever it is, act now. Don't wait until Monday, the first of the month or after your vacation. Do it now, and then...

3) Keep consistently taking action, even when you don't think anything is changing. 

You'll go through days or nights when you are alone, and you think you need a splurge. Or perhaps you'll believe you've earned it. Remember this: If complete healing is your goal because you don't want to repeat this over and over, then you have to stop focusing on the wound and keep your eyes on the desire to heal. You don't deserve or need that thing because you are working on letting go of the reasons you started it. In those moments you will find that healing progresses faster. 

It's like a superb stitch that won't break open... Ever again. 

So tonight, please join me in lifting a glass in honor of Chris' extraordinary achievement and for the healing he has experienced in his life. He is freed from the segregation and forces of nature that he had to go through as a smoker. But rather than focus on what he doesn't have to worry about anymore, he just thinks about how good he feels not having that in his life any longer. Once you're there, healing is no longer about what you give up; it's about all the good stuff you get from it. Cheers, Friends!

Joy's A Little Healing Goes a Long Way Cocktail**

3 oz Meyer's dark rum
4 oz Ginger beer (non-alcoholic)
Lime wedge for garnish
Ice

1. FILL a Collins glass with ice cubes. Pour the ginger beer over the ice; then float the dark rum on top.

2. GARNISH with a lime wedge to keep scurvy at bay. Drink slowly, and let good cheer fill your sails.

**Always drink responsibly. Never drive after drinking.