A Joyous Perspective on Blemishes and Bruises: Why baring it all is a good thing.

This Friday Night Thought Tale Hour is brought to you away from the Enchanted Cottage as I spend some time out in my Motherland of California. I've been spending some time thinking this week about how my past has contributed to who I am today. The thought came to a head as I sat at a table with a few close people, but it really began as I did some Yoga last Saturday:

My left knee was screaming at me.

The knee that I have battered and repeatedly bruised in my 57 years was telling me it needed direct attention. From falling down the face at Sawtooth Pass to falling down the stairs and using the knee to stop me, that important part of my left side has seen it a lot of trauma. And while I have had a couple of minor surgical procedures on it, I never have repaired my ACL which is rolled up behind my left thigh. The most recent fall, done a couple of years ago, most likely tore something, but with my weight loss and attention to healthy living, it's been tolerable. The real issue is, 

I take pride in my high tolerance for pain.

Yes, and it's the arrogant and somewhat ignorant kind of pride. I say this because as I age, I realize that pain has a purpose. It's a message of some sort that should be acknowledged in some way. You can choose the level of attention, but give it attention you must. My knee, who has been in pain but not getting the right level of care, had clearly had enough of being ignored last week. As the weather changed, I felt an increase in the sharpness of it, and I scurried around to find a way to treat it (without seeing an expert of course...) This is the theme of my life when it comes to dealing with pain. I tolerate it, try to self-treat it, and then....

I find myself facing the reality that I need a little help...

It isn't always with the involvement of a professional. My support can also come from those I love and trust. Those who know me so well, as it did from my dear husband on Monday evening. It begins with a cathartic shriek, similar to what my knee gave me on Saturday as I put it down for an attempted high lunge. You express your pain, your resentment, your fear and you feel the source of it like an open sore. That is the moment of truth. What will you do with what you are feeling?

This prideful pain tolerator is getting better at choosing to expose it and sort it out.

Like taking an Aleve or putting a brace on my leg, I can just cover it and endure it. Blemishes in our life and the bruises we carry can be downplayed and hidden, can't they? Kept in the dark and counterbalanced by justification, they just sit there and wait. They don't get any better, and they certainly are not being utilized to bring about a healthy growth of change. A hard reality of life is this: 

You can not ever fully grow without being attentive to what has damaged you.

Whether it be repairing a tear in your knee or correcting a mistake that created chaos, you are going to have to take the time to address the pain. Oh yes, it will slow you down for a few strides, but they will be minor in comparison to the speed you will pick up after you are recovered. Remember, though, it has to be direct attention, not camouflaged by a flurry of malicious activity. I'm not saying that doing some good stuff isn't wonderful - like losing weight and working out were good for my ailing left knee. However, eventually, you'll have to take a long look at the real source and go for completion. 

And the effort will be like letting out a nice long held breath.

So tonight, I will be spending some quality time with my grandsons and my dear sister friend who has known me for a good part of my life. We will do a lot of laughing, a lot of wine drinking, and perhaps a little crying. But ahh, the beauty of being present with people who are not afraid of your scars and want to celebrate in your healing and you in theirs. Here's to bringing light to your dark places in the days ahead, and allowing pain to result in incredible new growth. Cheers, Friends!