A Joyous Perspective on Healing: Balancing the Pain with the Gain

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's. I went to bed last Sunday with a thought in my mind: How does our perspective influence making changes in our lives? I had spent some time with some really dear people, and they were grappling with making a change in their life direction. As we talked, I began to hear that many of the reasons they felt 'stuck' had to do with an area in need of healing in their life. Perhaps it was a past hurt they couldn't let go of. It might have been an attempt that ended in absolute failure, which left a pain that never stopped hurting. And above all the reasons not to make a change, the most important one was this:

The pain of the known was less than the pain of the unknown.

When we are not exactly where we want to be, we might find that we have come to the point for the need of a little self-diagnosis. We find that we feel terrible and can no longer ignore it. We don't see the growth we know we are capable of, so something must be wrong. And if we can stare straight into reality - there it is - the part we need to adjust. Most likely we've seen it before, and just put it on the back burner. Or we thought about it, tried it, hit the first pothole, and ditched the idea of change. We don't remember all of the reasons we stopped, but we do remember the pain of trying. That is burned in our memories.

When you find yourself with an accurate diagnosis that is causing the pains, and you don't like the remedy, what should you do?

It's easy to look to outside resources to give us a magic solution to finding healing and freedom from being stuck. After all, we can even blame them if all goes kaput. But the complicated truth is that you are your ultimate physician. No one knows you like you. No one knows what works for you in those moments when you want to quit. No one understands what made the difference the last time you almost found it. How about if instead of focusing on all that you did wrong and what's the matter with you, you try changing the conditions you seek to harvest the healing from? What I mean is this:

When a flower doesn't bloom, you fix the environment it grows in, not the flower. 

You are the flower in this scenario and environment is all that stuff around you that prevents you from your full bloom. Excuses, pressures, excesses, worries, apathy, expectations - you know your list like you see the back of your hand. It might be a little bit of each one.  You didn't get to where you are simply, although it feels that way sometimes. It took time for that environment to become poisonousness to your soul, and it's going to be a process to reverse it.

And there will have to be some pain...

There will be some days of 'what if all this isn't worth it?' And 'perhaps I've healed enough.' Let me fill you in on something first: There is no such thing as arriving at being healed. Even though there will be significant gains and times of ecstatic joy when you reach a milestone, you will always be working toward healing in your life. Especially if it is an area that has haunted you a long time. This is why you quit before. This is why you don't want to start. This is why you are frustrated.

So decide right now not to have a timeline for your healing.

This is why my heart falls a bit when friends say, "I'm going to get this done by...." They proclaim it as though it's just another life goal, like buying a car or finishing a degree. 

In fact, this is a gaping wound that you need to decide to trade in for a scar.

Think Chemo for cancer. Think major surgery for a ruined body part. Think drainage tubes and changing dressings. Think: 

This time, I'm not just going for improvement. I'm going for healing.

So tonight, Chris and I will be drinking something I call, "Ease my pain with a little gain." I created it to remind myself that too much of anything will prevent us from being the best version of ourselves. So here's to healing, making the changes that support it, and remembering it's a journey - not a destination. Cheers, Friends.

Joy's 'Ease My Pain with a Little Gain' Cocktail***
3 oz Anejo Especial Rum
2 oz Pedro Ximenez sherry
1 oz gingerbread syrup
3 oz freshly squeezed orange juice
One Horned Melon

Chill a martini glass. Pour the rum, Pedro Ximenez, and syrup over ice in a mixing glass. Add the freshly squeezed juice (the gain). Stir slowly and at length, to assure syrup is integrated. Strain into a martini glass, garnish with a slice of Horned Melon (the pain)  and serve.

***Always drink responsibly.