A Joyous Perspective On Connection: When you feel disconnected

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour at the Hendersons. This time of year can be challenging for me. Thursday, April 9th, I will again understand the most authentic meaning of the term "bittersweet". Sweet because I will celebrate the birthday of my beautiful daughter Michaela. Bitter, because I will be reminded of the absence of my son and her twin brother, Seth. Just a few days later, on the 14th, I will experience the 12th anniversary of his death. This reality opens me up to new awareness every year. This year, I've noticed that I've been feeling like I'm walking around with my shoe untied. It's a feeling that I can only describe as being 'disconnected.' I thought I would share a few things I've learned, and I hope they might help you if you feel like you might trip on your shoestrings. The hardest part is the first step:

Embrace your feelings, even the dark ones.

I know it's hard because you want to be happy. But we all know that you can't be happy all the time. It's not possible, so please do not try.  This beautiful universe is all about duality. No one wishes terrible loss upon themselves, but to think it will never happen or that you can accept it readily is a fallacy.  How could you possibly love the light without experiencing the dark? You can't. Because you would not have a reference point. So you have to feel it all. Because...

Feelings need to be experienced because they are the gateway to your soul.

I'm not referring to your standard emotions, which can feel like a rollercoaster at times. I'm talking about deep reflection. I am talking about the feelings that are trying to deliver messages to you all day long. And they can help you to reconnect.

The good. The bad. The ugly.

While watching my favorite Yoga teacher this past week, she helped me get to the nitty-gritty of part of the process of getting to connection. It requires lots of deep breathing and a focus on the feeling. It's incredible how once you feel the energy of emotion, it shifts and moves as you breathe into it. It doesn't get bigger, it just gets more real. There are so many insights that come to the surface when you remove the initial layer and make the room an expression of pain.

Once the veil of pain is removed, you reach a higher perspective, where you see any situation from a higher plane and not just with your limited human eyes. You begin to look at how the feeling is impacting you, and not only in your emotions. You can find it in your physical body, in your attitude, and in your thought process. 

And then you can ask yourself what you need. And find a way to comply.

While I personally believe that the universe delivers messages through others, sometimes, the final filter of your life must be your inner wisdom, that piece of unconditional love that guides you. This guidance is available to all of us, even when others are not.

As much as it is painful or annoying, there is no better place than here than now.

Being present is one of the most challenging tasks we can undertake, but if we want to transform, we need to learn to master the present. Otherwise, we are forever chasing the next thing. Sometimes it might feel like you're just in need of a push forward, but that push might send you toppling. There will be time to move, and jump and skip. But for now, it's time to plant your feet.

Find a place to stop and breathe, and then love your rest.

This is huge. It's essential for your health. Over the past 10 years, I've learned that if my body does not feel like doing something, I risk sickness or a meltdown if I force myself to do things out of obligation or pressure. If you are feeling tired and disconnected, it's better to take a self-induced time out.

Try to avoid responding to situations when you are feeling this disconnect. 

The words that come out of your mouth when you're in this oppressive state are not the real you. They are not representative of your actual truth. Your soul truth is the more profound truth that's born from self-awareness and personal insight. In short, give your verbal and even written retorts a rest. It will look different in a little while. I promise.

And last, do not just get through it, lean into it.

Resist the urge to zone out and numb down. It might seem like a contradiction to what I said earlier, but there is a balance that you must find. Even while my legs are more cumbersome than usual as I take my walks with Eddy, I still make them. My joints are achy in the mornings, and my eyes weary from sleeplessness, but I always get on the Yoga mat every day. Difficult classes or issues at work make me want to throw my hands in the air, but I persist in my commitments. I take my vitamins, eat healthily, and watch my drinking. I'm leaning in, feet planted, and I'm breathing through it. I'm getting connected.

And like the Lotus, while the roots may be in the mud, there will be a beautiful bloom from all of this.

So tonight, I will toast to connectivity with a man who I share one of my most cherished connections, my husband and best friend. We will be drinking something I call, "Tied Shoe Laces" because I need some help with mine. So here's to finding a way to avoid getting tripped up, and finding new places to connect. Cheers, friends.

Joy's Tied Shoe Laces Cocktail**
1 1/2 oz Jim Beam Honey
1 1/2 oz of Peach Vodka
1/2 oz Peach Schnapps
1/2 oz apricot brandy
1 tsp grenadine syrup
Licorice Ropes

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine all of the ingredients. Shake well. Strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with tied licorice vines.

**Always drink responsibly.