A Joyous Perspective on Self-Judgement: Do you have a bias toward the negative?

 

The negativity bias is the notion that even when of equal intensity, things of a more negative nature (e.g., unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or social interactions; harmful/traumatic events) have a more significant effect on your psychological state and processes than neutral or positive things.

In other words, something very positive will generally impact your behavior and cognition less than something equally emotional but negative.

What is the 'Negativity Trap'?

It is easy to become trapped in negativity. Because our brains and nervous systems are wired for survival, our default emotion is fear. Fearful thoughts, repeated over time, become deeply patterned in our neurology. And that is when self-judgment and self-criticism take hold of us and feel like a grip we cannot escape.

Neuroscientist Dr. Rick Hanson explains how our ancestral "survival brain" is wired toward the negative. He writes, "In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones. This shades implicit memory – your underlying expectations, beliefs, action strategies, and mood – in an increasingly negative direction."

You don't stop to consider you are "practicing" negative emotions. It begins to feel natural and becomes a progressively depressing pain story that can feel difficult to climb out of. Assembling more fear-based, sad, or angry evidence along the way, you will unconsciously confirm that your negativity bias is natural. 

You don't need anyone to confirm this for you. You have embraced it.

"Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality."

~ Earl Nightingale

If you are struggling with depression, you can be sure you are repeating a sad, angry, or fearful thought. And, sad, angry or fearful, thinking gathers power through repetition. Sadness leads to hopelessness and a loss of motivation to progress. Then comes frustration and its close cousin, anger. These feelings keep you stuck, waiting for others to change before you can. Blame is closely followed by shame: "What is wrong with me?"

Fear makes you feel small and inadequate,

 doubting your capacity to succeed in the world.

Always looking for what is wrong, you can forget what is good about your life. While looking for what is wrong; you can forget your negative bias might make you fear that you are not good enough, not lovable enough, not worthy, smart, or talented enough to survive and thrive.

Does this sound like you? The good news is that once you become aware of a negativity bias, you can interpret it and regularly interrupt it. Like any other habit, it can be changed by the power of the light of survival within you. Here are seven ways I've gathered from a variety of experts and my own experience in working with others in therapy.

7 Ways to Interrupt Chronic Negativity

1. Witness Your Mind

In meditation and prayer, you can learn to employ your larger observing ego to see and hear your small hurting ego-self with neutrality and compassion. Breathe, evaluate, see your intention and take action - REST. In this way, you can witness your negativity bias without becoming it and decide an immediate action to change it.

2. Find the Emotional Need

Chronic grief, anger, and fear point to an unmet emotional need. Once you discover what you need from life and others, consider how you could meet this need inside yourself. Do not judge or criticize yourself for having this need. If you do, you will find yourself stuck in the blame and shame loop again.

3. Expand Your Awareness

Contemplate who you would be if you felt fulfilled. To expand your sense of fulfillment, start an expansive creative project, spend time in nature, or cultivate a regular spiritual practice to invoke feelings of openness and awe. Nothing fancy; the more straightforward it is, the better.

4. Interrupt Negative Thinking

Interrupt a chronic negativity bias as soon as you notice a habitual thought that is painful. Identify what thoughts cyclically cause you pain, and then interrupt the negative momentum with a new better-feeling thought. Ask yourself, "How does this thought serve me?" then dispose of or implement it accordingly.

5. Wonder Into Better Feelings

When stuck in a negativity bias, saying "I am..." positive affirmations can feel fake and a little demanding. When you are doubtful about feeling better, practice wondering instead. "I wonder what it would feel like to feel joyful, peaceful, empowered, free...etc." As you wonder, a slight sense of possibility of a better feeling will arise. Build on this.

6. Minimize Negative Stimuli

The negativity bias seeks to confirm and perpetuate itself. Because the subconscious mind registers all perceived negativity and violence as emotionally real honest, it is best to avoid watching the news and violent television and movies. Are you comparing your life too much to others? Get off Social Media!  You also might want to spend more time with people that support and uplift you.

7. Appreciate What You Have

All negative emotions are underpinned by a fear of lack. It's all about what we do not have. See how many things you can appreciate during the day to build a feeling of abundance. When you are struggling with sadness, anger, or fear, amplify your appreciation for even the smallest things in your life. Abundance begins when we realize just how much we already have.

Savor the Good - A Daily Practice

Neuroscience has proven that the longer something is held in awareness and the more emotionally amplified it is -  the more better-feeling neurons in your brain will fire and wire together. Even doing this for 30 seconds daily has been shown to help lessen depression.

This is not the same as craving positive experiences with other people and outside circumstances, which leads to tension and disappointment. By sincerely taking in your good experiences and filling your body, heart, and mind up with fulfillment, you will feel less fragile and less needy of others. Your happiness, generated by your own practices, will be based on your consistent creation of inner fullness and will not depend on other people or outside situations. 

Thanks for reading. If you find it helpful, please feel free to share.

With gratitude,

Joy