A Joyous Perspective on Self-Esteem: Here's to why you're here...

When someone mentions having low self-esteem, I think of that old cartoon with the man in the doctor's office complaining of a headache as he sits there with an arrow stuck through his head.

The joke is that the headache is the least of his worries, which is the same story with low self-esteem. People with poor self-esteem have a deeper problem than they think. Their deeper problem is that, somewhere along the way, someone has made them feel uncertain about whether they deserve to be here at all.

We are surrounded by people questioning whether they deserve to be here in the first place...

You may have heard it called 'Imposter Syndrome,' but I call it a sense of never feeling like they belong anywhere. They may think their roles are worthwhile and that someone should do them, but probably not them.

Yet all children come into this world with unquestioning self-acceptance of their needs, which we know is the root of all self-esteem.

A person with secure self-esteem knows the reality of his or her inner needs and knows those needs are worthy of fulfillment. Doubting the legitimacy of these needs undermines the very foundations of one's self-worth. When people come into my office with low self-esteem, wondering, "What's the matter with me?" I find myself thinking instead, "What happened to you?" I know these people did not enter the world feeling flawed or doubting their right to be here until they encountered the bow and arrow of another person's rejection, criticism, or judgment.

Ask yourself just who it was in your life that enjoyed archery so much?

Some of us had caregivers who often carried quivers filled with debasing comments to shoot at us. Low self-esteem is like going through life with a head full of arrows. You cannot think without encountering those interned, sharp, piercing arrowheads. 

Injuries to self-esteem come from feeling that your uniqueness was rejected.

People with low self-esteem carry this story in their body language; they constantly try to make themselves appear absent. Yet the longing for life and belonging is so intense that even arrow-shy people may one day question their low opinion of themselves. They wake up to their existential right to be here and express what they need, finally overcoming their questions about why they are even here.

It is up to each and every one of us to sit ourselves down and accept that because we are here, we are supposed to be here.

Once you have settled that question and figured out who the archers were in your life, it is no longer just about improving your self-esteem. 

It expands to self-compassion, self-expression, and the right to self-care.

Self-esteem means you have decided you have the right to be here. 

And on top of that... To enjoy it too.