Bonfiring your vanities....Time to stop acting in vain.

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Though-tale hour at the Henderson's.  Twice during the last week, I had the occasion to talk with two younger people about being at a crossroads in their life.  The two situations were very different, but both involved remnants from their past rearing an ugly head and giving them cause for pause and fits of confusion.  Interacting with them brought me to consider the basis of many of those remnants that we all encounter.  They often have to do with an error - made by us or done to us - and how we reacted to the error.
I'm definitely not a perfectionist kind of person.  I do like to achieve and sometimes over-achieve, but a dent in my pumpkin pie doesn't floor me.  I have had close relationships with a few perfectionists, and I ache for the suffering they put themselves through.  It's no wonder that these folks end up finding ways to ease the burden, which often just looks like they are abusing themselves.  If they can't be perfect in all ways, they can at least be the best at that medicating behavior that often ends up an addiction.

I've had my share of injustice thrown my way, and the pain it can leave behind is nothing short of excruciating.  After the tears dry, it's easy to begin the complicated work of figuring out a way to find recompense.  Anguishing about the ways you can find justice, all the while becoming more encased by the thing that victimized you as you refuse to let it go.

An action that is done 'in vain'.  Ever thought about what that means?  Dictionary tells me that it is something that will never yield the desired outcome. Fruitless. One could say, brainless or zombie-like.  Being driven toward something that we can never achieve or control.  Could it be that the reason we might find ourselves stuck in the pond of despondency over an area of our life is based on simple vanity?  We just find ourselves with too much pride to allow others to see our blemishes or to think that we allowed someone to 'get away with it'.  Tough pill to swallow, especially if you're already feeling pretty beat up.
The more someone says you need to let go, the tighter the grip...Feel that?  That's the vanity part.  It's become more about you than anyone or anything else.  Holding on to valid hurts that made you a victim or focusing on how others might see your imperfections is really just a masked form of vanity - and it's the kind that doesn't go away nicely.
Ridding yourself of a vanity that has dug in and made itself at home begins with a decision, and it's a decision that no one can make for you.  It's got to be real, more than symbolic and leave a mark in your road that you can look back upon.  "That was the day I decided to _____ so that I could stop being so self-absorbed (acting in vain) about ______"  You've got to mentally put a torch to what is holding you.  A literal 'bonfire of your vanities'. (borrowing from Tom Wolfe, thank you...)
The ones who are victimized will have to burn their ability to point and blame.  The ones gripped by perfection will have to burn their fear of criticism or failure.  Lighting the match is the one thing you truly can fully control.  Letting it go up in flames takes the full use of your mind, soul and spirit.  It takes more guts and grit than it gets credit for, but it is the beginning of getting closer to stripping yourself of those things that hold you back from being an alive and thriving full human.
So tonight, we are drinking something called "Flaming Zombies".  I figured it fit, because the names says putting the burn on brainless action.  We will be toasting to those people who we know are moving past their own personal bonfires and finding the next rung in the climb.  Here's to bonfires!  CHEERS FRIENDS!

Joy's Flaming Zombies

1 oz pineapple juice
1 oz orange juice
1/2 oz apple brandy
2 oz light rum
2 oz dark rum
1 oz lime juice
1/2 oz grenadine
1 oz 151 Rum

Chill mixing glasses with ice. Remove the ice and add the juices, brandy, and the light and dark rums. Prepare Hurricane glass by pouring grenadine around inside of rim and letting it bleed down along the glass.  Carefully pour the contents of the mixer into glass.  Float the 151 rum and grenadine.  Light with wooden match.  Enjoy!