My worth is not about what I DO: Be fierce in finding the YOU.

This week at our Friday Night Thought Tale Hour at the Henderson's, we are finishing off a week worthy of smiles. We both can relax and look forward to the weekend knowing that while the week wasn't perfect, we had the opportunities to show those we encountered the best of our efforts, resulting in fine outcomes. It's nice to be in a place where the pats you give yourself on the back are enough. It wasn't always like this for me. I often found myself looking for recognition from outside myself to somehow verify a job well done.

It wasn't until I was past the age of 45, that I realized how much of my life I had spent pushing myself, to great sacrifice, to be the best at whatever I took on. A great Psychoanalyst once told me this had it's roots in my upbringing and a yearning for acceptance and praise. But I'm also quite certain that receiving accolades and cheers for my performances fed something hungry in my genetics. I not only constantly put myself in a position where I would fly or fall dismally, dependent upon the winds of approval, but life also seemed to put me in places where I felt I had to shine or sputter. It did not matter if it was something I really yearned to do. If I had an opportunity and I took it, I had to simply be the Mohammed Ali of that thing.

It was about the doing. Never-mind if I secretly loathed the actual steps. I could make those around me so happy and provide them with so much. That's all that mattered. And besides,

The praise of achievement felt so great.

Worthy of doing it just for me

But then, about 10 years ago, I started catching myself being tense and filled with bad stomach acid more than I was truly peacefully happy. I know many of you have been there, and there are certainly many people who have written about the stresses of career and family and the color of your parachute or about finding the ever elusive cheese. But in my joyous perspective, it all had to start not with what I needed to do - but with what I was worth. My bottom came with realizing that I did push myself so hard for so long, doing so many things, that I so didn't really like, because I doubted that I was really worthy of praise for just being me.

People like me find themselves on a merry-go-round of recognition. You have to add yet another trophy or plague before they discover you really didn't deserve the last one. These are the patina of worth, not the stuff of true worth.

The past decade has taught me that our worthiness doesn't reside in doing; it lies within our very being. It’s unchanging, unwavering, and infinite. But we can certainly convince ourselves of the former and spend our lives hustling for the worthiness that we’ll never find in doing.

Time to be fierce.

Worthy of work that is just so fun

So I had to start digging, and breaking lots of nails and going back to the drawing board many times. But to date, I have found many elements of my true worth and the value it can produce. The parts that are inherent, and can be masked but truly can never be taken from me.

The tendency to volunteer to accept a role for the sole possibility of achievement is a seductive one, so I had to be fierce about finding opportunities that were truly worthy of me - that needed a me - that required the skills of a me - and the best ones would be those sans awards and accolades.

Throughout my life, I started to catch glimpses of the valuable outcomes of my worth. I saw it in giving—sharing a special connection with a person in a group I led; hearing feedback from a participant in one of my opportunities to coach that they made an important breakthrough or had a success because of something I said or did.  And I also found it in receiving -hugs and thoughtful gestures from my husband and children, an amazingly written spiritual piece; a deeply meaningful conversation with a dear friend.

When given with such freedom, what we have to offer is enough, without condition.

Certainly, we can't always be choosy about the jobs we do in life. Baby needs a new pair of shoes, not to mention a meal. But perhaps it is especially in those times when the actual work is less than lovely, that we need to hold fast to the real worth we bring to that role. When you are fierce about your worth, you can bring a shine to the dullest of cubicles.

Worthy of love

The choice is still yours. Find the you in what you do and put your mark upon it, or fuss and claw your way through each day. Building on your worth will still help you gather many achievements, but they are not the kind you hang on your wall. They are those you post on your innermost being, and you can carry with you no matter where you go.

So raise a glass with us tonight as we drink to recognizing our worth. I made something I call, "My Treasure Chest". It's to remind us of all the treasures we carry that only we know about, and to keep bringing out the ones we've yet to uncover. CHEERS FRIENDS!


Joy's Treasure Chest Cocktail**

Fill a large shaker with ice, then add the following:

2 oz each of Orange, Pineapple, Lime and Apple Juice
1/2 oz of simple sugar
2 oz each of White Rum, Dark Rum and Coconut Rum
2 oz of Peach Schnapps
1 oz of good Peach Brandy

Pour into hurricane glasses, leaving about two inches at the top. Now, top off with your favorite Sparkling White Wine. Garnish with a Star Fruit and mint.

**Always drink responsibly. Don't drive after drinking this thing.