Being the Real Thing: For Kid's sake...

Chris with Gramma Mick and Grampa JB

This week at the Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's, I want to bring a close to a week-long examination on the subject of authenticity. To be authentic is to have the quality of being genuine and real. As Chris and I sat and mused about a few days spent with our grandson this past weekend, my thoughts started to flow. As we listened to him discuss his friends and his views on the world around him,we often heard him begin a description of something with the words, "Honestly" or "To be honest with you". It took a few times hearing this phrase for us to realize that the younger folk see this term quite differently than we do. This text messaging, YouTube, Vibe, Instant Messenger generation doesn't always like delivering news that won't be met with the 'Like' button. They prefer to give others a slight warning sign by warming them up with, "Well, to be honest..." As though sharing who they are should be met with a grimace and a scowl... I researched it, and all the experts agree, 'Honestly' has become the new 'I am kind of afraid to admit this.' Yuck.

So we asked ourselves: How can we teach our children and grandchildren how to be authentic - 

in a world where you can create yourself repeatedly and mask the harshest realities?

The Robert's house in Villa Grove

As we often do, Chris and I both looked at our upbringing, and how we learned about sharing our authentic selves with others. Chris was fortunate to have a much more what I'll call 'traditional' upbringing. Parents and Grandparents married for life, small town neighborhood, lifetime friends, stability, discipline with love, hard work mixed with great fun. Chris doesn't recall a time when he felt he had to pretend to be something he was not, minus a few times of needing to be cool to impress a girl. Moreover, as I asked him about this, we both agreed that much of this family character came through his grandparents, Mick, and JB. I smiled as he said this, as it occurred to me, that even though I met these two when I was 40 years old, they left me with a lasting lesson in being real. They did not have to post it, or blog it or tweet it - they exemplified it in their exchanges with each of us nearly every time we met. They shared their lives with us and applied their great advice from the school of hard knocks.

Stories with difficult lessons that they shared without worry of condemnation.

As parents and grandparents, how many times do we want to avoid talking to our families about our mistakes? We wish them to see us as conquerors of life's fates who they can look to with pride. And now in an age when our children may feel that someone isn't very valuable unless they own a domain name, we may also be risking pushing them even further into a 'virtual unreality' of figuring out who they are. They see the world where you can edit and enhance yourself to look however you want. Public profiles can be presented and changed to meet the situation or to please the reader. Mick and JB based their lives and reputations on what they had to show for them, which were ample. The ways they touched the lives through others went viral. But not the kind of 'viral' we think of

today. It was the organic and real way of giving of themselves to their community and family that was known far and wide.

What do our youngsters hear from you compared to what they are reading about you? 

Makes you think, doesn't it?

While with our oldest grandson last weekend, I was busily documenting all of my favorite 'moments'. As I was doing this, at one point, he said, "Geez, everyone always is taking pictures to post. I get tired of always having to pose." I chuckled, but looking back, I see what a point his message has to my thoughts on teaching our children how to be authentic. Social Media allows us to provide whatever perspective we'd like to the world - and it can be far from transparent. 

JB and Mick, 2006

Consider the 'old days' and how our parents and grandparents took pictures. You may have a large box of them as I do. Only the very favorites will be placed in frames and one display in particular locations. Not overly edited and cropped. Just real people, smiling. No mixed messages. No messages at all...

We now seem to have to talk through our photos to others. 

But what are we trying to say?

Perhaps we are just trying to show the many sides of our often full lives. Or maybe we want others to see that we have found ways to be happy regardless of our circumstances. We could want to give a smile to someone who is having a particularly tough time in their day or life. We want to connect, even across the miles, to people who we count as an important part of our history. As I write these reasons, I begin to realize that these are just the kinds of lessons and examples that I want to pass along to my children and grandchildren. Just as JB and Mick Roberts did for Chris and me, and our kids. Lessons of being who you are and sharing how you are facing your life.

Because I always want to be a part of their lives, even after I'm gone.

JB in front of his favorite tree.

As I remember Mick and JB, I recall one of the last conversations I had with Grampa JB. He was in hospice, and very near to ending his battle with cancer. We were talking about the kids, and what all of them were doing. Then, he looked at my face square in the eye and said, "You know Joy, we were a little worried about you when you first came here. But now that you've been here awhile, we think you're okay. We are glad to have you in our family." There's no way I can describe how his words may me feel. After a life of always wondering if I were truly loved and accepted, I had found my place of validation. Without doing anything but loving his grandson and great-grandchildren, he had seen the real me. He had given me a gift that would live well past his life, and mine. 

His words changed me forever and how I allowed others to see me. I felt unveiled.

I want so much to be able to give that same gift to my family. How about you?

So tonight, we will be raising our glasses to find ways to be 'more real' with those around us. I decided to make a cocktail that is an example of the authentic version of many other cocktails based upon it. It's just called a "Gin Cocktail." Nothing fancy, just pure soul. Kind of like some of our favorite memorable people. CHEERS, FRIENDS!

The Gin Cocktail (from the 1790's)**

One cube of sugar
1/2 oz of water
4-5 dashes of the Bitter Truth Old Time Aromatic Bitters
2 oz of Bols Genever or Genevieve Gin (depends on your liking)
Ice
Lemon twist

Put a cube of demerara sugar in an old-fashioned glass. Add ½ oz water and 4 to 5 dashes Fee Brothers Whiskey Barrel-Aged bitters or the Bitter Truth Old Time Aromatic Bitters. Muddle until sugar is mostly dissolved. Add 2 oz Genevieve gin or Bols Genever. Add two cubes' worth cracked ice and two whole cubes. Stir. Twist a swatch of thin-cut lemon peel over the top.

**Always drink responsibly. Never drive after drinking alcohol.