A Joyous Perspective on Being Brave: Despite the size of your buts.

Tonight at the Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's, I want to talk to you about being brave. Not just the brave that rushes into a burning building to save a human trapped in the flames. But also, the brave that propels us to step into a somewhat impossible or difficult situation and swallows our nervousness. I have been doing a lot of thinking this week about bravery, and I found that almost every time I found myself with the choice of stepping up or holding back, the word 'but' was a part of my reasoning why I should stay put. "I want to do this, but...." So if you keep reading, you will find some tactics I've learned to use that have helped me with my 'buts' -  regardless of their size.

We are surrounded by 'but' overcomers, 

that you might even call heroes.

Last week there was a short article on a news site I frequent that touched and inspired me deeply. There was a picture of a very proud looking woman, holding her Master's Degree.

She had raised a large family, stayed at home for much of her parenting life to assure a firm foundation for the kids, taken whatever work on the side she could to help support the family. After the kids had been grown with kids of their own, she went back to school. 

She is now 78 years old.

The reason it spoke to me so much is that it confronted me. 

I recalled all those things in my life that I have put aside and said goodbye to because I told myself that I’m “too old,” that it’s “too late,” "I have bad knees", and the classic, "I don't have time." All reasons that made it “no point anymore to try.”

One case in point is something you are a large part of even as you read this. I was casually writing with a friend a few years ago. When she had to stop, I continued but kept my thoughts to myself.
After awhile, I started to realize that I was hiding from the outside world. It feels so safe and cozy to spend your days in your quiet home office, never having to face the criticism of others. It was a painful confrontation to learn that I was merely afraid of putting my unpolished thoughts before a world of English majors.

But my wonderful husband and a few other dear friends would not let me stop. They chuckled at my 'buts'... They edited for me, encouraged me, and told me that I had a 'unique' voice in my writing. It was then that I let my asides develop into a 'joyous perspective'. 

I knew it was time to step out of my comfort zone and drop my big 'buts'. 

And when I did, I found the zone where the magic happens. I embraced my self-consciousness and lost my silly pride. I swallowed my feeling of “embarrassment” whenever I found a glaring error that I had presented to the world. Yes, I was doubtful and hesitant. Yes, I still did it.

I found my brave when I stopped 'butting'.

I’m so glad that I listened to my gut. I have found wisdom and more enjoyment in my life through my writing. My life is not free of stress, doubts, struggles, and disappointment. But through my writing, I do feel like I’m finally living it! It turns out that challenging myself to share my innermost thoughts with the community did not kill me at all, and I love the interactions. As I sort out my perspectives, I learn more about myself. Things I could never have realized without this blog.

It's not to say that embracing your nervousness and being brave will make all insecurity disappear miraculously. The nerves are still there, telling you why you mustn’t do this or that. But you can choose not to be held back by them. You may even opt to listen to the ramblings of your wimpy inner voice but follow your path nevertheless.

So, ask yourself today:

What would you like to do, and what concern is holding you back from doing it? 

We are all afraid of something, each and every one of us. The question is: how is that 'thing' you are concerned about preventing you from doing things?

Make a list! 

Take a sheet of paper and make a list of your biggest hopes or desires and next to each one, what concern is holding you back. Use the word "but" in your phrase to represent that concern. For example: 

"I would love to be self-employed, but I’m afraid to give up the security of my job."
Or,
 "I would like to learn Portuguese, but I’m too old now."

Finished the list? Then here’s the next assignment:

Revisit your list and replace the word "but" with "and".

You see, in Physics and life, opposites support each other. Our dreams and what scares us about them belong to each other. They need to coexist, not conflict. By using the word "but", your mind creates a conflict by implying a condition that has to be met first. It tells you that it is impossible to realize your dream.

By replacing "but" with "and", you’ll notice that lots of things can exist side by side, without having to exclude each other. In fact, there is suddenly the option of a compromise between your desire and your concern.

Example: "I would love to be self-employed, and I’m afraid to give up the security of my job."

"I would like to learn Portuguese, and I’m old now."

Notice the difference this little change makes?

It turns out you can do whatever you want and be a little scared or concerned at the same time. It's called being brave.

So go ahead. Dig out those long-forgotten dreams. Search for your old journals, look back at your life journey and think about all those ideas you have since long forgotten or put aside. 

Let your sassy and salty side live a little. Be brave.

No matter your age, you don't know how many years you have to try out replacing your "buts" for "ands". I've decided to stop wasting my seconds and minutes. It feels pretty good.

So tonight, we will toast to putting aside our "buts" with a drink that is traditionally salty and sassy, the classic "Salty Dog". I've added a few things to it to make it my own, because while I don't want to reinvent the wheel, I like to steer it my way. It makes me feel just a little braver. Cheers, Friends!

Joy's Spin on the Salty Dog**

(serves two)

4 oz of Absolute Citron

4 oz of Grapefruit Kombucha

1/2 Gran Marnier

Salt for rim

Crushed Ice

Wet the rims of two highball glasses and fill with crushed ice. Add 2 oz of vodka and Kombucha to each one. Drizzle the top with gran marnier. Enjoy.

**Always drink responsibly. Never drive after drinking alcohol.