A Joyous Perspective: Am I really as calm as I seem?

On this Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's, it's a quiet ending to a trying week. As the two of us addressed a couple of stressors in our lives, I marveled at the differences in our personalities when it comes to our ability to remain calm, at least on the surface. Few things can get Chris rattled, and even when he is shaken; he can usually fend it off with a bit of his sarcastic wit. But this week, we were looking at a topic that he never takes lightly, and it had him reacting as I expected. In my typical way, I swooped in to do my best to make him feel better. I tell him it's totally going to be okay, and all the reasons why he should certainly not be stressed out. He makes sarcastic comments and tells me to stop nagging. Maybe you are that person in the lives of those around you? The go to for encouragement or support who then gets accused of hovering?

And you have them all believing you are entirely sure it's all going to be okay...

I am often told I seem calm and collected. I make people feel confident. That's my goal of course. But when you are alone and thinking about the conversation later, you are asking yourself questions. Things like - 

"Should I have suggested they do this too?"

"I wonder if they are doing what I mentioned? Should I call them?"

"What more could I be doing to help them?"

"I hope they are okay... Should I call them?"

So you call, text, email or whatever - it's borderline nagging.

Delivered calmly and with conviction, with just enough concern to bring gravity to the issue.

And I had to ask myself this week.... Who the hell do you think you are that you are the solution to this person's every problem? 

After all, you are far from immortal.

Yes, I realized this week I am the poster child for the well-known "Mother Hen Syndrome." Calmness is not something that lies within me. Finding calmness is a real exercise of determination for me, and I truly admire those who seem to be able to gather it with abandonment. Or maybe, they are just better at covering it than me?

One of the harder parts of getting wiser is eating some crow.

And as I had to accept the fact that I had given myself some God-like place in the lives of those around me, I remembered an event when I belittled someone for doing the same. I recalled when a member of my family stated that he worried that perhaps God's protection was not around my son on the day he died because he might have forgotten to pray for him that day. Now, apart from the obvious Theological errors of this statement, I was astounded at his audacity. He actually believed he might have been able to stop this event. But guess what? This week, I came to the conclusion that I carry this same weight of responsibility at times within myself. Crow, served up, feathers and all...

This Mother Hen needs to learn to loosen her feathers.

Perhaps the best-kept secret of finding inner calm is to peel your grip off of whatever finds itself before you. There's a huge difference between someone running into your arms and you grabbing them by the shoulder and pulling them into your grasp. It is not only that is it their choice, and therefore, they are more open to your assistance. Remaining calm when you are called to be fierce is somehow much easier for us Mother Hens. It comes naturally. When we have to force someone to accept our care, it's stressful. Stressful, not calm.

So the next time you find your mind spinning with those questions, look down at your hands - 

And see your feathers opening up. Flap your arms if needed. Literally. Then put your hands together in front of your heart and still yourself. Work at being calm. Yes, work at it.

So tonight, we are drinking a cocktail that doesn't require a whole lot of effort. I did not have to search high and low for the ingredients, and it's hard to screw it up. I just have to open up the Growler and pour it. We will toast to faith. Faith in those we love to find their way. Faith that they know where to go if they get lost. Faith that they are stronger than we think. And to the work of finding some calm in the midst of all life's storms. Cheers.

Punky Town Brown***

http://triptychbrewing.com/

***Always drink responsibly. Never drive after drinking alcohol.