A Joyous Perspective on Loving YOU!

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's. So I wonder - how many times this week did you find yourself smiling at something you realized about yourself? Did you ever have an occasion to look in a mirror and think, "I'm feeling pretty good about me right now"? Did you give yourself a word of encouragement as you faced a new challenge or difficult task? If the answer to my questions is never, none and no, then this week's subject on my Joyous Perspective page is just for you. I would venture to guess that there are very few of us that do a great job of appreciating and loving ourselves enough to notice. And even if we find ways to practice it more regularly, we go through times when we are neglectful of self-love. We find ourselves sick, exhausted, stressed out, and held captive. My hope tonight is to provide a list of ways you can take the temperature of your love of you. To examine what you need to work on. I put the list in bold so that you can scan it first, and let your mind lite upon what resonates with you. That's probably where you need to start. Let's kick it off with a little Buddha:

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.” 

~Buddha

Eight ways to show yourself some love:

1. Set some boundaries.

A good sign of how much you love yourself is how you let other people treat you:
Do they walk all over you?
Do you go to the ends of the earth to please them, at the detriment of yourself?
Do they speak or act unkindly to you, put you down, and trample on your dreams?
Do they put you at the bottom of their list?

Although I’ve experienced all of these things, people pleasing was my big one. I always said yes to people for fear of upsetting them. As a result, I spent precious time and energy in situations that I didn’t even want to be in. Setting boundaries is often as simple as knowing when to say no. 
We worry that people will stop liking us if we do this. But, I find that if you do it confidently and lovingly, those who care will respect you for it and even change their behavior with you. And those who do walk away, do you want them there?

2. Watch your self-talk.

I once read, “If you spoke to your friends the way you talk to yourself, would they still be your friends?” Do you think they would like hearing:
*You’re thirty-five, and you still get pimples, your teeth are wonky, and you’re getting out of shape.
*You’re not going to achieve your goals.

*You don’t have a right to ask for what you want or speak your mind. Just keep quiet.

Other people are more important than you; their wishes should come first. Imagine talking this way to your friends or anyone else around you for that matter. You would never say such things unless you were incredibly insulting. Why say them to yourself? 
The next time you are musing along and talking in your head, become more self-aware.  You have to practice taking notice of these thoughts in our minds and make a conscious decision to stop them or reverse them into positives.

3. Take time to take care of you.

There’s always someone who wants a piece of you isn’t there? Your boss, spouse, kids, friends, parents, siblings, the bank manager. Do you know who else wants and needs a piece of you? You! When we love or are committed to someone, we take the time to nurture their well-being. How often do you do this for yourself? 
My life is full and busy, but in the past few years, I always make time to do things that make me feel looked after: Exercise, time alone, a little pampering. Giving yourself permission to nurture yourself creates not only the belief that you are worthy and loved, but it provides the evidence too.

4. Be honest with yourself and others.

Think about how it feels when someone is dishonest with you. It angers you and mostly, it hurts.  The very same rule goes for when you are dishonest with yourself - it hurts - although you might bury the feeling beneath something else.  
Demonstrating honesty to yourself might mean different things to each of us.  Being honest in my eyes means that our words and actions reflect the truth of our heart and soul, regardless of who we are in the company of. Not being ashamed of who you are, and not trying to cover your feelings of insecurity. 
Being honest about my feelings is my biggest challenge, as it makes me feel vulnerable. Especially when I am shy or awkward. No one expects that from me, but it happens! I have found that in vulnerability lies great power, so I try and show it as often as possible. The more you do it, the easier it becomes, and as long as you are not hurting anyone, expression from a place of honesty frees up so much space inside you. You no longer have to take up space with excuses and hidden motives. You feel free. You feel worthy. You feel loved. 

5. Allow yourself to feel painful emotions, and nurture yourself through them.

For some reason, we have learned to shun feelings of hurt, sadness, fear, depression, hopelessness, and so on, as if they are somehow wrong. Especially when others expect us to be happy and joyful all the time (or if your name happens to be Joy). 
I went through the better part of my life covering over my genuine sadness and disappointments, believing I just needed to power through them. While I was super compassionate with others, I had little compassion or acceptance for my feelings of rejection, hurt, and unworthiness. I tried to quickly to move past a terrible event with keeping everything in my head rather than my heart. I see now that this was only verification of some silent belief that I was incapable of being loved, and I could never be completely healed. 
As I took the hard steps of improving and healing myself physically once and for all, I realized the source of my emotional eating habits. Here it was, under the skin. No amount of diet and exercise would touch this unless I dealt with it head on. I was fragile, and I needed to prove to myself that I could care for me. 
I started allowing myself to fully feel the painful emotions and found ways to address them with healthy comforts and supports. I did not overstress myself or over-expect from myself. I showed me I could take care of myself. 

6. Let yourself off the hook.

There’s no such thing as perfection, though you could say that you are perfect in your imperfection. We accept it from others all the time. We want to make the unconditional love of others our goal and demonstration. So isn’t it funny that we berate ourselves, the opposite of love, for not meeting a standard that’s impossible to reach in the first place? We cheer others on, encouraging them. It’s time to let yourself off the hook. Give it your best shot, and accept the occasional hit on the rim. There will be a chance for another try.

7. Watch with whom you spend your time.

I read once that you turn out like the five people you spend the most time with. Think about that? Can you list yours? Is it true?
One of the most loving things we can do to help ourselves out of a negative state is surrounded ourselves with positive energy. The goal isn’t to find people who are always positive—none of us are. It’s to spend time around people who are making a conscious effort to release negativity. 
Your life is too precious. Love yourself enough to distance yourself from people who dim your light and instead, find those who help you shine brighter.

8. Know who you are.

When you find out who you really are, you begin to understand what you really need to feel loved. You can love yourself in the most meaningful ways. Start from the very elemental components. While you may not subscribe to this thought, some Scientists theorize that almost every element on Earth was formed at the heart of a star? So just imagine, your body is made of stardust! When I look at a star, I see a pure and powerful energy. 
You might not like all the ways you shine or reflect the light, but those can be revised and adjusted. The key is, you are a source of potential force the world has never seen before. Do you just love that? I do.

Learning to love ourselves may be our life’s work. 

And true joy comes from the realization that not only do you deserve love, but you are also love. So tonight, we will be drinking a concoction called "Show Me Some Love". It's from the famous Wolfgang Puck, who has certainly built a life around an appreciation of his talents. Here's to finding many more opportunities in the coming days of your life to demonstrate to yourself just how much you love who you are, and who you are becoming. Cheers, Friends!

Show Me Some Love Cocktail (Spago's L.A.)**

2 oz Ultimat Vodka
1 oz St. Germain
1 oz Lychee Juice
1/2 oz of fresh lime juice
crushed ice
Lemon for garnish

Fill a cocktail shaker with crushed ice. Add the ingredients (except the Lemon wedge) and shake hard. Pour into a martini glass. Garnish with a lemon wedge floater.

**Always drink responsibly. Never drive after drinking alcohol.