A Joyous Perspective on Motherhood: There's not just one way to do it.

Tonight's Thought Tale is presented on a Saturday here at the Enchanted Clover Leaf Cottage. It's the weekend of the day in the United States we honor Mothers. I considered not actually saying anything about it, but that would be silly because this is a blog about my life and asides. And certainly, motherhood is a significant portion of my life and spills over to most of my asides. I've been a mother since I was 20-years-old. That's right - for 65% of my life. Two-thirds. That's a lot of time. You'd think I could write a blog post filled with sage and direct advice that would set any new mother on the right path. 

Yeah well. The number one rule I've learned 

is there are no rules.

I spent some high quality albeit short time with some excellent mothers this week. While we were each the products of very different mothers, we each agreed we've done a fine job raising our kids. Two of us had the kind of mothers they write books about and who are the basis for our favorite family television series. Three of us had moms who had a lot of trouble giving themselves to the prospect of making raising children an important part of their lives. Either because they were damaged emotionally or just because they opted out. The thing I found fascinating was that we all learned the most about being a mother not from the remarkable things our moms did right. No, in fact, we learned the most and implemented specific decisions in our parenting due to the things our moms did wrong. The stuff they just really blew, big time. So what does this say about what we moms can teach our kids? Especially those that will one day be moms? Here are some ideas:

1) Tell them more that we often don't know what to do.

I think sometimes my kids believe I either have all the answers or that their situation is beyond what I handle. Either of these places equates to them not being able to come to me and say, "I wonder how I should handle this?" As the years go on, I've learned it's good to share with them that the complications of life often put us in a place of confusion and a road filled with forks. There's not one simple answer all the time, and not a way to avoid making one either. There is not just one way to do it. And that's okay. Tell them that.

2) Tell them more that we wish we would have sat with them more.

It was interesting to me that this week, some of the best moments I enjoyed with my grandsons were the minutes we spent just sitting together. There was no agenda. No story being read. No educational video being played. No art project being completed. Just pure old sitting and chatting. Time clocks turned off. Schedules suspended. In the quest to provide the very best and be the very best, we moms can forget that our kids just plain need some quiet time with us. It might mean a stop in the park after school or a few minutes before bedtime. There is not just one way to do it. But it's important. Tell them that.

3) You will not be the ultimate determination of the successes or failures your kids experience in life.

What is it about giving birth to a child that somehow makes a woman believe they are the conductor, puppeteer, and director of

that life? It's not something that is genetically programmed. It's a dogma that society implants in the minds of any woman who becomes a mother. And personally, I find this sorrowful, as it has created an entire philosophy that teaches that because our bodies house a child, we are somehow the master of their lives. On the other side of 3 years old, one begins to see how untrue this really is. These individual humans are born and grow into their own sense of purpose. Yes, because they look to us for the primary sources of nourishment, affection, and protection, we are vital to their survival. But ultimately, it's all them. They might come to you for advice, and you will give it. But whether they take it or not, well, that's not up to you. Teaching a kid how to walk down stairs, now there's a trick. And there's not one way to do it. Tell them to let them learn. 

Yes, there really isn't just one way to be a mother.

And if you happen to have numerous opportunities to do it, there will be multiple ways you do it for each one. But that's the real jackpot joy you find in motherhood. It's a new adventure every day, and the added years you get doing it only make it more enjoyable. 

So tonight, Chris and I will toast to Motherhood with a drink I call, "Why is there a Pink?" It's in honor of one of my favorite mothers who brought this to my attention this week. Why is there a significant name for light red? I don't know, but when it comes to naming colors, just like being a mom, there's not just one way to do it. Cheers Friends, and Happy Mothers Day to all you moms.

Joy's Why is there a Pink? Cocktail

1 oz of Genovese Gin

2 oz of Watermelon Schnapps

Splash of Lemon soda

Sliced Lemon

Fresh Basil

Pour each ingredient over a glass filled with crushed ice. Garnish with a lemon slice and a sprig of fresh basil.