A Joyous Perspective on Dealing with Bullies: Bogged down or buoyant? You choose.

It's Friday, so it must be time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. I had a challenging week, made more so because I was dealing with a nasty relationship issue that left me uneasy. While I understood the dynamics of what was going on, and it should not have surprised me, there was just something about it that brought some stuff to the surface. You know what I mean. The stuff we try to keep pushed down until we are ready to air it out again? Parts of our personality and character that were formed from an early age, and will not easily be revised.

Maybe it makes you feel queasy because it's like someone putting their fingers down your throat - uninvited.

No one actually enjoys conflict. Some of us deal with it better, some of us run from it - but it's not something someone runs toward. Fortunately, I was dealing with it along with a team of incredible people, determined to work through to the end. Committed to remaining stable together. But in every team effort, each member takes along their own personal style and reasons that can add a caveat to the way they approach the challenge. For me, there was an incredible sense that I needed to protect a little guy from a big bully. In the figurative sense, I always seem to be drawn to any situation where a weaker or helpless person is being taken advantage of by a stronger or just plain meaner person. 

No doubt, this comes from years of feeling like a 

duck in open season.

Perhaps like me, you were raised in a situation where you often had to be the 'new kid' or the kid who came over every few years for a visit. Kids can be really mean especially when they are in packs. I experienced a lot of what is just plain bullying in my life. It created a notion of always being the odd man out. This sense can keep you somewhat aloof, treading carefully and insecurely.

As a parent, I recognized this trait in one of my kids. Like me, he was always thinking that he was the odd man out and got himself into a lot of trouble trying to protect others. Always the friend of the little guy. I used to say to him something I finally realized I needed to tell myself:

"Get that chip off your shoulder, or at the very least, put something over it so people can't knock it off so easily." ~Momma Joy

Bullies are cunning, and they can see those 

chips on our shoulders.

The real power of any bully isn't their might, it's the skewed way they use their intuition. What is a sense that should be employed for bringing about positive outcomes is utilized by a bully to seek and destroy. Separate and conquer. And they especially detest people who recognize them and call them out. They use their cunning to battle back against the ones who carry an air of confidence. Do you have bullies in your life? Remember this:

Cunning people are always thinking about their next move. 

Because they have to, as inside, they really are cowards. Completely afraid to be discovered for who they really are. That's what can keep you wrapped and bogged down in their mire when they come at you. The more you 'put up your dukes,' the more they have you right where they want you. 

So here's my joyous perspective: You've got a choice...

Courageous people stay light on their feet and remain present. They trust themselves, so they don't always have to be thinking about their next move. They believe they will know what do to and they base it on doing what is right. Unlike bullies, they have nothing to hide. When faced with a bully, you have to hold on to this truth. If you don't, it will fill you with anger, frustration, and anxiety. Your thinking mind just doesn't act correctly under those conditions. You'll act stupidly. So rather than letting it get to you, 

Let it go.

You can't control or even defeat the bully just because you desire to do it. The winning comes in stating your case and walking on. Leave them in a pile of their mire and go live in your moments while they live in their schemes.

Bullied or Buoyant. Your response will determine the result.

So tonight, Chris and I will toast to the freedom of being right with those who matter with a drink I call, "It's all good." It's dedicated to a dear soul sister of mine, Elaine Graves, who owns those words as her favorite saying. And you know, when you are free from bullies, you really can say them and mean it. Cheers Friends.

Joy's "It's all good" Cocktail***

2 oz vodka
1 shot Chambord® raspberry liqueur
5 oz of Sunkist Orange soda

Throw it all in a glass filled with ice and enjoy. Don't forget to shake or stir!

***Always drink responsibly.