A Joyous Perspective On A Choice To Change: It's about what you keep.

It's Friday, so it must be time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. This week, I've been doing a lot of thinking about what it takes to help a person to make a change. When you listen carefully to many people around you, there is a lot of bemoaning and proclaiming things about their lives they would like to be different. As a student of Psychology, I'm currently reading intently about methodologies designed to help people get to the reasons they are stuck in a place they do not desire. 

And as I read through them, I find myself coming back to the same realization:

Misery often does not stem from what we don't have, 

it comes from what we've decided to keep.

I know it may seem harsh to depict the person who is the pain as being the responsible party. It feels much better to point to that situation or human in their life as the perpetrator. However, when we pat them on the shoulder and tell them we're sorry they were so mistreated and we love them - they will feel better - but only for a little while. They remain locked in a cycle of self-abuse or mental stress that has not been defeated by your kindness. 

You see, they have cleared away some cobwebs, but they let the Spider remain alive.

Just like the cleaning process in an old barn, you can make a mind

feel spic and span for a little while. Then, before long, the Spider that was hiding under the crack in the wall will return to begin building back up those webs. The webs in our minds keep us trapped and fixated. They leave us with a sense of helplessness, anger, and fear. And it can't be our fault we didn't see the little devil - or can it?

Because often the Spider isn't an outside force. 

The Spider is part of us. It's our decision or resistance to letting go of a habit, hurt or the management of a relationship that is the Spider who is building that ever-tightening web. You see, we don't want to believe that we have power over that Spider, because then we will be responsible for its total demise. We will be the ones who have to suffer to change, and haven't we experienced enough?! So, we just get out a broom from time to time to tidy up. Ahhh. Isn't that better? Alas, not for long.

So we make another resolution to change....

But here's the deal: Killing that Spider isn't something you make a resolution about. No, this decision will only have actual value if it is fortified with resolve. Resolve is a noun that defines determination and intent. You'll know you've gotten there when you feel that nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Because being really open to change means 

being genuinely open to anxiety.

We often think of anxiety as a signal to wait or proceed with caution. But stop and consider, have you ever made a significant decision when you didn't have that quiver inside? You might have termed it excitement, but that's just another word for anxious.

So on this December 1st, don't plan resolutions, plan your resolve.

Tonight, Chris and I will be drinking a concoction I call "Cleaning Out the Cobwebs." It doesn't contain alcohol, because alcohol might be your Spider, and I don't want to help that Spider grow. So here's to your resolve for the coming year, which can start today, to once and for all, squish your personal Spider. Cheers, Friends.

Joy's Cleaning Out the Cobwebs Concoction

2 oz of your favorite Kombucha

2 oz of Sparkling Lemonade

2 oz of Ginger Soda

Pear Nectar

Dash of Tobasco

Cherry for Garnish

Pour all over crushed ice into a tall glass. Garnish with a cherry.