A Joyous Perspective On Waiting For The Other Shoe: It's About Time....

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale with the Hendersons. These past few months, I've been involved in a project for work that has been many years in the making. To say I felt elated is an understatement. The fact that the project will also provide much-needed services to many in our community with great need puts merely an exclamation point to the sentence. This taught me again a lesson that I find myself learning over and over regarding the value of waiting and timing. But mostly, just time itself and how it's not only the most essential part of our lives here on Earth, but it is the part that makes up everything else we are. 
But that's not even what I want to talk about tonight. You see, I got up this morning and felt excited but scared too. Would everything really go as I hope, or would there be unknown roadblocks in my way?

It was almost as if I was inviting something bad into my life to temper the positivity I was feeling in the moment.

Some people describe this is as “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” or some call it “Catholic guilt.” As I’ve grown older, I’ve done this a little too often, in several different areas of life. If my kids have been healthy for a good stretch, I start to have sneaky thoughts about how they’re “due soon” for a dose of some type of illness. If my finances are under control, I’ll wonder if we’ll have an unexpected repair that will take us off course. It’s not a concern if those thoughts float in and out, but I seem to have problems when they linger and begin to detract from what I am doing in the present.

The truth is that life does change regularly, and there are ebbs and flows between happiness and pain.

In one instant our situations can shift so drastically that we will be left reeling, so expecting that every day will be beautiful is obviously both unrealistic and unhelpful. Yet I’ve found that anxiously awaiting some sort of tragedy or pain often diminishes my current happiness. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is this tricky way that we rob ourselves of a good feeling in the now because we are nervously anticipating something harmful in the future. A balance between fear about the future and a naive optimism is possible; we could call this space living fully.

Living fully is where we acknowledge that life will bring suffering and beauty, pain and happiness, challenge and comfort, and it will all come at different times. If we live fully, we do our best to float gracefully between these times, aiming not to get “stuck” in the space of overwhelming tension. So here are a few thoughts I have about how we might begin to practice living fully, one step (and one shoe) at a time:


1. Find time to be present.

The beauty of being present is that, by definition, it doesn’t allow you to be anywhere else. 

When you find time to be at the moment, anticipatory thoughts about bad things happening may enter your mind, but you will gently and swiftly guide them to the side. Each of us has our unique ways of being present, whether it be a yoga class or exercise, quiet observation of nature, or meditation. Even a few minutes of quiet can be helpful in getting centered and focused.


2. Try savoring.

Just like you might enjoy a good glass of wine or a bite of cheesecake, you can also savor positive emotions or events.

For example, I could recall the vacation I took overseas, reliving a particularly fun outing or adventure. I could talk about the trip with my family and coworkers and look at pictures. As I do that, I would begin to bring back those memories, and those positive emotions associated with these memories would also come back.

3. Introduce some logic to your thoughts.

Sometimes our thoughts can run away from us, going down a path that we know isn’t logical or helpful.

In the case of anticipating something contrary, I’ve found that I

can best stop the thoughts with this simple reasoning: “Yes, it is inevitable that something bad will happen at some point, but I don’t know when or where. So, I might as well enjoy what I’m feeling now so that later I won’t regret not having enjoyed that time when things were going well.”

4. Practice gratitude.

We can always find something or someone to appreciate, and in showing this appreciation, we gain an increased awareness of its beauty.

Expressing gratitude can be private (e.g., keeping a gratitude journal or list) or public (e.g., writing a letter of thanks to someone), but I’m preferential to personal reminders of gratitude.
For example, when I am feeling the joy of doing something I love or spending time with friends and family, I try to remember to say to myself: “this moment is good.” Just saying that brings me to the present and acknowledges my gratitude at the moment.

5. Spend time with people who also like to live fully.

It’s no mystery that emotions can be contagious. 

Friends or loved ones who are perpetually negative can influence our mindset, particularly if we find ourselves feeling anxious or dreading something negative happening. While we shouldn’t avoid or shun friends who are struggling, we can be purposeful about finding time to spend with those who give us a burst of positive energy through their ability to live fully.

So the next time you finish a waiting period, remember, it's about time to find another one.

Our lives are in flux, and change is inevitable. By not continually waiting for the bad stuff to happen, and instead focusing on the now, we can flow more easily, joyfully, and fully through our days.

So tonight, Chris and I will be toasting to our next project. I was able to envision today, and I'm super excited about it. We'll be drinking Kir Royals because it's a mixture of bubbly and sweet, which is just the right way to flow through this period of our lives. So here's to finding ways to live more fully, and to treasure every moment of time in the process. Cheers, Friends!

Kir Royal Cocktail

1/4 oz of Chambord
Champagne

Add Chambord to a flute. Top with Champagne. Garnish with raspberry or orange zest.