It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. Oh how certain dates resonate with me. If you follow my blog, you've heard about more than a few. And today, August 7th, is yet another one in the annals of my history:
It was 14 years ago today. My husband Chris smoked his last piece of a cigarette.
At least one that he actually wanted to smoke. Since that day, he has attempted to smoke a cigarette to see what it was like, and he nearly made himself sick. Chris had smoked since his early 20's, so smoking was a significant part of his daily life for over 20 years. It was what he did first thing in the morning, before he went to bed, during breaks at work, at a bar, at a game - it was more than a habit - it was a necessity. He had tried to work out in his head what life looked like without it. He had logically concluded that this habit was impacting him in ways that made little sense. He understood the science, and also the ways it might effect those around him. But when he envisioned a life without smoking, all he saw a big gaping hole. Emptiness would exist where this action did. So much space to fill. And with what? Would he only find something even more unfitting to fill that void?
"The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision."
~Maimonides
We spend an awful lot of time trying to 'work things out' that are bothering us, don't we?
And a subsequent amount of of time worrying about how to do this.
It might be a relationship or a career choice that we just think we have to stick to and make work. Just like Chris, a thing that exists in our life that we know we would be better off without, but we can't work out if those reasons are better than dealing with their absence. As the quote above states, we begin to abide in the terror of indecision.
I wonder, if in both cases, we might be focusing on the wrong goals of 'working something out.' What if, instead, we found the reasons, the truths or activities we can choose to 'work into' our lives? Choices we can make that will support the decision to work something out of our lives, once and for all?
For Chris, it was about being a leader, versus a slave.
Chris decided to stop being a participant and instead be the leader of his life.
He decided that he would not be told where he had to sit or not sit in a bar or restaurant. He decided he would stay in the hotel room he liked, not the one that was offered. He decided he would take breaks at work to rest his mind and body, and have real conversations with others, not just because his body was craving nicotine. He decided his air would be of his choosing, not of some source filtered through fire.
He decided to take control and to start working all of these decisions 'in' to his life.
So what have you been trying to work out that can be handled by working a few things in?
Instead of focusing on what you need to stop doing, try thinking of what you can start doing. Rather than stressing over the emptiness, consider all the things you can now fill it with.
Stop seeing the mountain, start seeing the peak.
Stop holding a door open, instead open a new door.
Don't be afraid, be brave, you got this.
Cheers.
