A Joyous Perspective on Living Your Life: Resist the urge to be defined by your past

 

Trained elephants learn to accept leg tethers early so that, as adults, they accept being bound by ropes they could easily break.

They learn that try as they might, those ropes are unyielding. Then several tons later, they accept the earlier lesson as though it were true. The elephant does not question the situation because, in its mind, it is the same elephant it has always been. It does not realize that it grew up. Without an objective perspective on the relative strength of elephants and men, the elephant can only live what it learned earlier.

Humans also undergo a domestication process when they are young wild things.

Little humans are taught a story about who they are and what life is about. These stories have often been passed down from previous family history. Sometimes, the story is the lesson or the family's common saying, but cues are also picked up from a parent's facial cues or body language. These little absorbent learners want to learn, and they want to please. They have an innate drive to belong. They will go against their instincts to increase their bond with essential people. In sociology, we call this the 'learning culture.' Learning the family story and how one should think, feel and act upon it teaches a child how to belong and how to predict the reactions of others. Following others makes a child less anxious and more secure. 

This might be adaptive security while young for survival, but one can't live a meaningful and productive life based on a childhood story.

Through tests and trials, you discovered your place in the family story and formed your assigned role. This belief may have resulted in your drifting into playing certain characters in the lives of your family and their story. You might have assumed this is all you are without knowing any better. 

Like the elephant, you may not understand how strong you have become.

It is easy to underestimate yourself when you only see yourself as others saw you in childhood.

Perhaps you are not happy with the story you are living, but if you don't take the time to examine it, you won't understand why. That part you've been playing might leave you strangely empty and frustrated. Everyone says you should be happy, but you wonder where your story went.

Fortunately, each of us does have a true story, and it comes out when you embrace being an adult, not the child version of yourself.

How will you know your true story? It's the one that gives you a sense of excitement and hope when you think about the future. It's full of life pursuits that raise your energy and sense of purposefulness. It's like seeking your own story of success. 

But any story is only as good as the themes and values it expresses. If we've been raised in an environment where we were not shown values, just demanded to follow someone else's, we might struggle with finding our own. As a result, you may need a firm awareness of what is really important to you, which often results in veering from pleasure to frustration and back again, never attaining the happiness that comes from knowing what you are trying to do and then doing it.

Might you be overdue for an update on your life story?

Like the elephant, you might still see yourself as weaker than you are. You are overlooking your true power because psychologically (which includes our spiritual and emotional state), you still feel young and vulnerable. Deep down, you may see yourself as a perennial child seeking approval and security when you should be developing your adult identity. 

To stop being a captive of a family story, think about what is really precious to you. 

What do you find yourself gravitating toward? 

What topics catch your imagination? 

When you look at your life, what do you feel proud of? 

If you had to, what would you fight for?

This self-reflection may take some time, but the results are worth it.

When you wake up to your adult potential, tremendous energy is released. You feel pretty invincible. Thin tether lines are seen for what they are as you realize how big you have become. All the reasons why you can't be yourself give way to the revelation that you can be yourself when you realize you can.

If you don't define the theme and purpose of your life, it's easy to accept someone else's story about you.

Only you can ensure you don't give your spirit away to anyone else once you are grown up. 

If you don't create and manage your story, someone else may write it for you.