A Joyous Perspective on being aware of your end: There's nothing 'wrong' with wanting to 'right' your story.

 

The photo at the left is nearly 10 years old. 

It is a moment I somewhat recall, but my granddaughter, Violet Joy, will undoubtedly forget. In the recent past, I had the occasion to be asked to write my father's obituary, and as I did this, I realized that the best ones I had read were more like a person's story than just a listing of their facts. Interestingly, as I sat at a table with some acquaintances and one person was reading it, a person next to her sniffed toward me, "It's kinda long for an obit, isn't it?" The length and breadth of the story of an 84-year-old person's life hit a nerve with her. Perhaps she wondered silently if anyone would have that much to say about her at the time of her passing. Truthfully, do others have enough insight into who we are to write enough about us to fill a few columns in the paper? Or alternatively, what would we still like to see added to our stories? 

Are there still some wrongs we'd like to make right?

The person at the table, or you as you read this, might think it too late to add much more or change much of your story. You might think it will take a lot of creative writing to make your story sound as attractive as you'd like. However, getting older means you still have

needs for personal fulfillment. You still have hopes and dreams in the recesses of your thoughts, you still notice a good-looking person, and you still crave as much happiness as you can. If we are truthful, our psyche isn't particularly affected by the aging process. You might slow down, forget some things, and gain wisdom, but you are essentially sixteen. Just come to my water aerobics class and watch the 60+ year-olds rocking out to the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. The need to fulfill your desires is more accurate than anything the mirror might show you.

At heart, you are immortal, and your story never ends.

Research tells us that our most basic psychological needs operate the same at seven or seventy. You experience your life as though you had all the time in the world. So, telling yourself you are too old, it is too late, or anything similarly self-limiting is not good for you psychologically. It creates bitterness, and that sourness shows in the downturn of your mouth and the resentment in your voice. You can argue all you want that shutting down growth as you age is simply facing facts, but that kind of thinking is poison to your soul.

So what in the world does this mean? My inside can control my outside?

In my work as a Psychotherapist, I see people attempting to right the many wrongs of their lives. I, too, have lived that path, so I have a lot of understanding of what this takes. What it comes down to is being too aware of the 1% vs. the 99%. Many philosophies refer to the material world we see around us as being the 1 percent world. It is the material, physical world that you know so well. When you think of writing your obituary, it's when you were born, where you were born, where you went to school, and who you married. That was the world of the person at the table who had trouble with the length of the obituary I wrote for my father and who, no doubt, would have difficulty with the length of mine.

The 99 percent world is a different story.

This is the unseen realm of knowledge, joy, and inspiration. When you connect to that world, you have the happiest times of your life. These are the times that will end of defining you and what will be the stuff your story is made of. The fortunate among us, those who decide to reason with the 16-year-old and see that there will eventually be an end, keep an open channel to this storehouse of energy. Those more successful at this become the composers, the inventors, the awe-inspiring.

I am beginning to see that psychological health in later years depends strongly upon
maintaining our connection with the 99 percent world. This world is the source of hope and optimism and a fair amount of our physical health as well. It knows where the mirror lies. It insists that there will be an end, but there are parts of us that can go on forever. That something we learn at the age of 90 is just as important as what we learned at 19. A talent developed at 60 is worth spending time on, and a love found at 70 is as precious a thing as it ever was. The research supports that people who have these beliefs tend to live happier lives with fewer psychological symptoms. 

Apparently, believing that there is always time to right a wrong or add a missing piece agrees with us...

When you cut yourself off from the 99 percent world because you think you're too old and it's too late, or too long, you're too poor, or just too anything - you feel psychologically and spiritually impoverished. But once you reconnect with the 99 percent world, that inner sense of self just beneath the surface, life is a feast again. 

The rest of your life can be viewed as a tour of exploration, not a prison term, once you start living like you want your story to be told.