My Perspective on a Good Fight: For what it's worth.

This week at the Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's, I want to share a moment I had recently that really struck a cord with me. While in a meeting at work, a colleague shared about his growing up with ADHD and a brother who had Aspergers Syndrome. When talking about his single parent mother, he said, "She fought to understand us". Wow, what a tribute.

His words resonated with me. His mother, faced with more than a bit of parental challenge, did just 'try' to do her best, she fought. I don't know if there's any way this young man can imagine what a wonderful thing he just said about his mother, but it was certainly not lost on me.

               And then I got caught up in a TV show.

This happened to coincide with a decision to watch the television series "Parenthood" on Netflix. I'd have heard it was a pretty good show for years, but it always fell on a bad night, so I didn't get into it. But now, I saw it on my 'recommended' list (Netflix really knows me, scary) and decided to dive in. It quickly drew me in with it's themes of family ties, growing up slightly dysfunctional and mostly, the challenges of raising a child to adulthood. One extremely close depiction was of a family whose son has Asperger's, complete with the different therapies they engage to address it. As I made my way through the 6 seasons (I often skip episodes that are clearly filler, which is my favorite thing about Netflix) I could relate so much to the characters and their development. 

And the largest message of all, the thing that resonated and made me rewind scenes, were the battles waged when understanding was on the line. 

Yes, there were plenty of silly battles and senseless arguments, which is the stuff of most large and diverse family units. As more humans are added to the mix, the challenge to understand becomes greater as their personalities change the landscape of the family dynamic. 

But I adored and noted how they always brought it back to the basic four kids and even more precisely to the two parents who were also individually the 'ones' who were at the beginnings of the unit. Like it or not, the biggest single directive decision a human will make is the one they make to be called "mom" or "dad". (In no way am I diminishing you if you are not called by one of those, I'm just pointing out how it shapes a life.) 

The old "choosing battles" adage is still right...

It occurs to me the precursor of deciding to battle has to be that the motive isn't to prove you're right, it's to demonstrate  that  you want to understand and that you care about the outcome. When you deal with complicated people, and many of them, you can never rest in the assurance that you are still a part of their world and who they are. A placard that says "Parent" or "Family" does not necessarily denote the privileged insight that comes from an effort to truly understand.

The good fight of insisting on understanding my kids (and now their kids) is one I can never surrender if I want to always demonstrate my care for them. It doesn't mean I agree with everything or every decision they act on, and it will not always end with hugs and kisses. Understanding can mean that I see the painful things as well as I see the glorious parts of their lives. 

Fighting to understand means I listen much more than I proclaim, and I observe much more than I pass judgment. (selah)

So tonight, we toast to the good fight of growing in our understanding of our families as we travel this dusty road of life together. We are drinking something I call "Golden Years." No matter our age, may we never tire of the effort to understand and act in love because of it. CHEERS FRIENDS!

Joy's Golden Years Cocktail**
1 1/2 oz of Vodka
1 oz of Galliano
1/2 oz of Simple Sugar

Pour each into a glass filled 3/4 with crushed ice.

**Always drink responsibly. Do not drink and drive.