I do judge, but I rarely condemn: A Joyous perspective on holding out for HOPE.

For this installment of the Friday Night Thought Tale Hour at the Henderson's, I want to talk to you about a subject that has been ringing in my ears all week. It was brought again to my mind as I heard about the events in South Carolina on Wednesday. I know my blog posts are often light-hearted, even though a bit like a lecture from your Mom, but I'm going to have to bring some somber to our conversation. The horror  and confusion of what is occurring in our world, specifically our nation recently, has caused me to have to rethink how each of us might be contributing to the reasons. But since I can only influence, not control anyone but me, I'm starting with the person in the mirror. Am I judgemental? Have I pegged a certain culture with a stereotype that is only skin deep? Are my reactions out of alignment to what is being presented to me? Is it wrong to judge, or just wrong if you don't leave room for hope?

So is 'judgement' the problem?

I saw a friend post something about how it's wrong to judge others, and I kind of winced. I mean, it's judgement just a collection of discernment and decision-making? Making a decision is making a judgement. Some information comes in, time is spent in consideration, and a decision is made. Our court system is based upon the right to judge based on evidence. 

‘Judgement’ is considered to be an uncompassionate behaviour in our society, however, what this is truly referring to is the condemnation of people or their particular behaviours and values, based on our assessment of them.

Passing judgement on the world around us is a perfectly natural aspect of being human. We continually assess our environment and form opinions on whether we are safe, what response we should have and if we personally resonate with the energy of each given life circumstance. I think that people are just misusing the word 'judgement'. When they say they want to resist passing judgment, what they really mean is to practice 'non-condemnation'.

My judgement is what gives me responsibility.

I don’t know exactly why this whole “don’t judge” thing came up in the first place. Maybe it is because it is just the easy way out. And here is why….

1) It is very difficult to take right action without having any condemnation in our hearts.

and…

2) It is very easy to use judgment as a tool of hate. As a way to condemn. And this is something we might be in danger of forgetting. Our predetermined reactions are sometimes called 'prejudice'. 'Judge' is the root word. It's no wonder we cower from making a 'judgement'.

Because here is what seems to take place: When we talk about “Oh, I can’t judge others,” and “I can’t judge this. I can’t judge that”, we are putting ourselves in a position to disempower ourselves.

What we are really saying is “we are not responsible” and we can’t say no to a situation that we know is not good for us, and those that we care for. They might think we are condemning them.

                Because condemnation is a sentence. Often a lifetime one.

Judgment is the ability to discern a good action, right action, the best possible action. It brings a future, and a hope. Condemnation ends with someone being unredeemable.

We have to have some sense of personal responsibility. And the use of our judgement gives us that. If you see another human being mistreated, you can judge that what is happening is wrong.  It doesn’t mean you have to condemn the person who is mistreating. But you can take the right action to correcting that situation, and do it with no hate in your heart.

And that is the difficult part. That’s where it gets really hard, to take action with no hate or anger in your heart. Because anger and hatred are much more likely to become habitual and easy to spread to others. And then you have the results running amuck, as they are in many places around the world today.

Keeping the door open for hope after judgement.

As you have more experience with a person or culture, so you develop a sense that you know who they are. And so, you reasonably 'rush to judgement' when seeing even a small portion of their lives, like say, on social media or the 24-hour squawkers.

When was the last time you condemned someone based on a news feed? Today? Yesterday?

The reality is we have no idea what the truth of another person’s experience actually is. We are only seeing the edited version, which is often the one that makes us feel much superior to those whose lives are fraught with error.

Would it really cause some great chasm if we withheld judgement for a moment until we heard the full story? Would we be thrown out of our cultural circles if we did not take to the streets to protest an action we are urged to condemn without even the slightest true knowledge of the circumstance? Can we look for hope instead of hype?

Can we hope to learn from our mistakes, and hope that correction produces new opportunity? Good and healthy judgement can bring this to pass. Condemnation will only close the door to hope.

I don't have a right to condemn, but I do have the ability to judge, and encourage hope and change.

Grandson Ravi, 6 mos.This picture says FREE!

I've concluded that the key is to judge in a healthy way, incorporating compassion and empathy. We should see others and we would want to be seen ourselves, even when they are behaving negatively. For instance: yes, that person is behaving poorly, but for all we know they may have had something tragic happen to them today, or maybe they are just at an underdeveloped stage of their growth, but one day hopefully they will have learned to overcome this behavior which not only makes others suffer, but also themselves.

It might sound simplistic and trite.
It's okay to judge me :).

So tonight, we are going to toast to good judgement in a drink we've judged to be one of our favorites, The Caucasian. The best thing about this concoction is that it isn't all it appears when you look at it on the surface, much like all of us. (For a list of the variations of this cocktail, click here) CHEERS, FRIENDS!

Joy's Caucasian: The Anna Kournikova
1 oz of Effen Black Cherry Vodka
1 oz of Kahlua
3 oz skim milk
A splash of Cherry Syrup

Fill a tall glass with ice. Add each ingredient one at a time.

Chris' Caucasian: The Dirty Russian
1 oz of Effen Vodka
1 oz of Kahlua
3 oz of Chocolate Milk

Fill a tall glass with ice. Add each ingredient one at a time.