A Joyous Perspective on Adjusted Control: Letting Go Is How You Find Control.

Tonight's Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Henderson's brings to a close a very emotional period for my family. I chose to focus on the subject of 'control' this week because I knew I would have many opportunities to practice what I so fondly preach. In each of the highs and lows I experienced this week, I found one certainty - I can only control myself, and my reaction to the circumstances. As I planned on what to share for the Friday finale, a fitting inspiration crossed my goings on this week. Visiting with one of Seth's dear friends, Sarah, I pulled out the memorial piece we gave out at his funeral. As I read the words inside, my mind went back to the first night I found them. And at that moment, I knew what I had to share to sum up what I've learned about control.

As I wandered around the house in the hours after hearing of Seth's death, I felt drawn to a box at the top of the closet in the room he had at our home.

And my hand rested upon some papers with typing on

Contemplative Seth

them. I immediately recognized them as being poetry that Seth had composed during a difficult period in his life. Naturally, they brought me comfort and a release of tears. But one of the pieces seemed to be a message. An urging for all of us to remember that our lives are not completely our own. Life is full of complexities, and none of us can avoid them all. At a ripe young age of 27, my son had realized what it takes some of us a lifetime to learn:

"In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."

~Benjamin Franklin

And coincidently, it was April 15th... (smile)

Rapper Seth

A few of his words were amusing, as Seth always wanted to be a Rapper. His rhyming skills were pretty impressive for a white boy. The main message seemed to be about the dichotomies of life. 

"There's simple times and simple minds

There's gentle kinds and ties that bind

We're running blind

There's a goal, we'll never find

It's in our prime that we all unwind

It's not all sublime

Hard times, hard minds

Truth hurts, truth's blind

Simple peace is hard to find."

Life is full of struggles, and certainly we sometimes

Enduring Seth

feel we are running blind. Is there such a thing as 'simple peace'? In his optimism, Seth seemed to believe so. He then went on to describe the pains of life. The conflicts, the confusion, and how people hate to hear that they are not in full control:

"Perilous plights, all the time

Love can come, with peace of mind

Pain pours purely

When your heart is hurtling

Hot heads hate hearing 

That they aren't fearing

How they only wish they were steering..."

Enlisted Seth

So what's the answer to all this angst and powerlessness? I certainly felt that way as I sat there on the bed that night facing my worst fear as a parent. I read the next words, and I swallowed hard. Now eight years later, I can somewhat understand what it means to 'let go.' 

"Pain burns, pains blind

Hate hurts, hate grinds

Letting go is how you find

Just let go, peace is right behind..."

That moment when you feel that you are in the most control is that place of perfect peace, isn't it? As I read this again, I saw through to what my ageless son was saying. I couldn't let go unless I trusted. I had to believe that I could handle whatever came next. That's where the peace comes.

Adventurous Seth

And he had one more message for me as I walked forward:

"The trail twists, the trail winds

The cliffs are sharp, the turns are blind

There are always snares

There are always pits

Walk with care, have plenty of grit

Keep a steady breath, never quit

Twists and turns

Scars and burns

If we're still alive, we always learn..."

I smile. Seth was a young man who had endured some pretty harsh bullying when he was a kid. And because of that, he would be suspended before he'd let anyone pick on the little guy or the person with special needs. And now, in my most weakened state, he was not going to give me a pass. I would not be allowed to quit. I was still alive, and so, I needed to continue to learn.

And then, as though Seth was telling me that he wasn't afraid wherever he now was, he assured me he knew no one is invincible. 

"Death will come, it always does

Life continues as long as you fuss

Fight the dust

Trudge on with trust

That in the end, it always ends

It must."

Soldier Seth

It's not like we give up our control, but we do need to adjust the focus of it, don't we? Everything will come to an end one day, including our lives here on Earth. Just because we can trust in that fact does not equal lying down and waiting for it to come. We must each continue to find our path and trudge on. 

It's a delicate balance to let go and still find control. But tonight, I encourage you to work at finding it in your life. 

And when you do, celebrate it with those you love. Cheer on those around you who are struggling with life's twists and turns. 

Tonight, Chris and I will be joined by some of our kids

In love Seth

and another one of Seth's dear friends, Rachel. I've decided on Disarono Martinis for our toast because they are my new favorite, and I want to be warm inside. May you have the ability to squeeze a loved one tonight, and then let go, knowing that they know you love them, now and forever. Cheers Friends. 

Joy's Disarono Martini***

2 oz of Titos

2 oz of Disarono Liquor

Moonshine cherries

Crushed ice

Place liquors in a Martini shaker with ice. Shake hard. Pour into a martini glass with the cherries (I like 3). Enjoy.

***Always drink responsibly. Never drive after drinking alcohol.

Cheers.