A Joyous Perspective on Life Goals: Maybe it's more like a relay than a marathon...

This is a rather solemn Friday Night Thought Tale at the Henderson's. On Monday of this week, we lost the heart and soul of our family, Chris' momma, Cathy. We knew she was in a battle with cancer, and that cancer would ultimately be the winner, but that doesn't make losing her on January 2nd any easier to accept. She lived nearly 77 years, which is not a short amount of time, but not what we have become accustomed to in this age of medical science. As I considered her lifespan and all she accomplished, I saw a list that could be regarded as small when viewing different types of activities. But when I envisioned the sums of output from her life, and all she has influenced, it was massive. 

We think of life as a sort of journey, and you have heard the saying, "It's not a sprint, it's a marathon." But thinking about the life of Catherine Roberts Henderson, I thought of another kind of race, one that involves others for a team effort. Like how she saw parenting and the challenges that go with it:

"There are just some things you can't love out of a person..."

~Cathy Henderson on parenting

Cathy's life was more like a relay race, and she is 

not the anchor.

The anchor on a relay is not the processor, it's the finisher. The one that brings it home for the victory. But while they wait for the 'baton' to be handed off, they watch as a series of other racers execute their strides and stamina on the track. They observe as they slow down just enough to hand the 'baton' to another racer. The racers must be in synch and pay attention to each other, or they will drop the 'baton,' and that will cause confusion, stress, and even injury.

The 'baton' in our lives races are not all of the goals or aspirations of

our existence, but rather the substance of them. Things like shared experience, knowledge, advice, direction, and yes, even failures. These nuggets of thought, when handed off to us by those who have come before us and share our families or lives, can and will help us to complete our destiny. I think of how she helped me see where I came from as not being as important as where I was going:

"Just because the people who made you are broken it doesn't mean you are..."

~Cathy Henderson on family ties

Cathy had many 'batons' she passed off to us...

While I would never call her one to insert herself into a conversation uninvited, she did not lack an opinion. When asked for her thoughts, she would freely give advice, encouragement or a swift kick in the pants. For those she was directly related to, the middle name would be injected: "Christopher Allen..." "Jessica Jean..." "Aaron Cole...", would be heard when there was something somber to punctuate. My favorite baton that she passed to me involved how to be a good mother in law to my new bonus daughter, Kim: 

"Don't make suggestions, wait for questions..."

~Catherine Henderson, Best Mother in Law (ever)

While she may not have 'anchored' the race, 

she 'anchored' our lives...

It will not be easy to go into the comfortable and immaculate home to see the empty loveseat where I would usually find her. Always with a smile on her face and outstretched hand - "Oh it's Joy!" This is how she made everyone feel. I would sit just opposite and glance at the television, which would be playing either Fox News or a cooking show. And for the next hour or two (depending on what Chris and his Dad were doing) we would cover a gamut of subjects. I would joke at the end that we had again, "solved the world's problems.." In just under a couple of decades, Cathy became a mother that I treasured. She cannot be replaced. I can only take the baton and pass along what she gave to me. Me, like many of you, who are also on her team. I get to walk with the man she raised, and remember these words:

"You don't get married to get happy. You get married to make a life, and life isn't always happy..."

~Cathy Henderson on marriage

Cathy's relay team contained many members and several anchors.

I think this is a hidden message behind those lives among us that

will leave behind more than just a few personal monuments of accomplishment. Their focus is much broader than that. They gather an early understanding of the adage 'there is no "I" in "team"'. And those that take the time to slow down, pay attention, reach out and receive the handoff can then strive toward taking it to the finish line, or, passing it along to the next runner. Their lives are legacies, not lists filled with achievements. Knowing this, they pace themselves and carry an air of confidence that they are just exactly where they are supposed to be...Even until the very end of their time here on Earth. Even in their greatest moments of pain:

"Losing a child was my biggest loss, but it also taught me the most about myself and others..."

~Cathy Henderson on death

So I guess she had one more baton to pass to me as she left me...

This week, I've found an incredible sense of calm in thinking about being a part of the relay of life vs. a single human running my way through life. Should we all still hope to be the anchors? Of course,

we should. But let's not miss the ways we are the starters, or the regulators, or the one that catches up when others fall back. While Cathy made her own rules and obstinately stood by them, she also knew how to respond when her path shifted, and the race changed. On Monday, she anchored her way to the end of her life. Somewhere, there must have been cheers. I know there were people we love waiting to receive her. My faith and her faith tells me this,

"Do you not know that those running in a race course, indeed all run, but one receives the prize? 

Run thus, that you might obtain it."

~Saint Paul the Apostle on life

So tonight, we will toast to a life well lived that has reached its finish line. Cathy's favorite cocktail was a Margarita, on the rocks, with lots of extra salt, so that is what we will be drinking. Certainly, we are not through shedding tears or aching with sorrow, but there will be smiles too. And we will put our heads down only for a moment because it will be time again to look up and follow the track ahead. Time to pick up the pace and complete our own races. Cathy, I learned a lot from this, just as you told me to do. I've got the baton. Cheers.

The Perfect Margarita***

In honor of Cathy

1 1/2 oz tequila

1/2 oz triple sec

1 oz lime juice

5 oz sweet and sour mix

1/2 oz orange juice

1/2 oz Grand Marnier® orange liqueur 

Course salt

Lime

Place salt on a dish and rub rim of a margarita glass with a lime wedge. Dip glass in the course salt to coat rim thoroughly. Pour tequila, triple sec, lime juice, sweet and sour, orange juice, and ice into a shaker. Pour into a margarita glass. Garnish with lime, and serve. Pour Grand Marnier orange liqueur on top for a float.

***Always drink responsibly. Never drive after consuming alcohol.