A Joyous Perspective on the Track: Stop pushing yourself off of it...

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. For the past few weeks, I must have heard or read the phrase, 'It's time to get back on track' nearly ten thousand times. The newness of the year and the month of January whisper into the ears of humanity that this is the clean slate they have been waiting for. So out come the resolves to hop back on that proverbial track, and this time is the last time the starting line will be seen. So off we go - whole hog and prepared with the regimental tools we require for the ultimate success. But often, this little thing called Life happens. And in a matter of days, we may not feel completely defeated, but definitely a little lost.

We all get lost sometimes.

So lost that we lose track of who we are, where we’re going, what we want, and how to give ourselves what we need to feel nourished and healthy. I’ve been there many times, enough times to realize that it’s an inevitable part of life and to understand that it’s okay to get lost. But what I often find, is that the one pushing me off the track is - you guessed it - ME. Something triggers and BAM, face down on the tracks I go...

The triggers? They’re never predictable.

Some are subtle and prolonged, some are brief but so massive they knock us off our feet and leave us reeling from shock. Maybe it is the pain of not fitting in at school as a teenager; the sudden death of a loved one; a serious breakup, or a betrayal by a friend that makes you question if everything that you shared was even real.

At times like these, when I have found myself down on my knees, the first thing to go out the window used to be my motivation to take care of myself. It seems to be a common human condition. We will either we eat too much or stop eating. We want to stay in bed all day or can’t sleep. In effect, we become unkind to ourselves. We lose patience and have little for others.

It just feels easier to not care.

It was only in recent years, when I hit my mid-fifties, that I became aware of how repeating this cycle of behaviors wasn’t serving me in any way. In fact, they were keeping me stuck in a negative place and holding me back from healing and moving forward. It’s been during this time that I decided to break that cycle and give my intuition the voice and attention it deserved. I put action behind my intent, but the intent had to stay grounded within. Since we are hitting that mid-month of the second week in the resolution phase of 2017, I thought I would share a few of my favorite self-care steps. They are not rocket science. But it’s amazing how quickly we can make them complicated. 

I give myself permission to not feel motivated all the time.

I always thought that motivation was this bright, powerful flame of desire that would drive me to do what was good for me, no matter what. After all, if something was important enough, I should want to do it all the time, right?

Not really.

As time passed and I gained more experience in life, I came to realize that there will be highs and there will be lows where I’ll feel like jumping off the tracks because it seems like too much work to stay on them. It’s important that you recognize this and allow yourself to be in this place without feeling guilty about it. Give yourself the space you need to breathe and be still, then gradually start easing yourself into taking steps to get back up. But thoughtfully and with awareness of how you are at this moment. Stop lamenting the past and angsting over the future. Be in sync with the now.

I set an intention for the day the minute I wake up.

When life has knocked you off your feet, and you aren’t sure where to go, the thoughts that go through your head in the first few minutes of your day can mean the difference between getting closer to the tracks of healing or drifting further away from them. Instead of allowing negative thoughts to take center stage in my mind the way they used to, I now guide my thoughts to these two steps the minute I wake up:

*I think of three things that I’m grateful for, and then…
*I set an intention for the day ahead. Your intention doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated. It just has to be meaningful to you. Put it into a few words. I often set mine in stone by sharing it with others. Why not spread the joy?

I prioritize getting enough restful sleep.

Over the past few years, I began to experience the mid-life night sweats, coupled by worry about close family members and relationships. As a result, anxiety became a constant companion, making it difficult for me to fall and stay asleep. Now as I heal, doing my best to make sure that I get enough sleep each night has become a priority for me, and this means having a pre-sleep ritual in place:

*I make sure my computer is turned off by 9 PM and that I head to bed at the same time every night.
*I stick to caffeine-free after 4 PM.
*I spend an hour before I plan to go to bed doing something that helps me let go of the stresses, excitement, and chaos of the day. This is typically spending time with my dog and husband, reading, talking to a friend, or going through a soothing yoga sequence. Within this hour, I also spend five to ten minutes questioning any stressful thoughts that I might have. I do what I can to remove their power over me. If you’re finding it difficult to sleep restfully for at least seven hours a night, I encourage you to start putting together a pre-sleep routine that will help calm your mind and body down to make falling and staying asleep feel easier.

I focus on building mindfulness.

Having been an emotional eater since my childhood, it can be easy for me to fall back into my old pattern of turning to food for comfort when stress and anxiety get the better of me. This is why nurturing mindfulness is an important part of my daily routine,

especially when things get rough. I now acknowledge painful emotions or stress rather than numb myself with some other habit that helps me avoid facing whatever I’m experiencing.  I then can consciously make the decision to not give power or permission to those old habits - habits that I know will ultimately drag me down and hold me back from getting back on my feet. On my feet and feeling every corner of each of them, firmly planted and balanced. That's on track for me.

If you’re struggling to give up a habit that you know isn’t good for you, here’s my challenge to you. Every time you’re tempted to say yes to that box of donuts, bottle of wine, or pity party, ask yourself, “Is this going to make me stronger on my feet?” If your answer is no, move away from it.

I learn something new that will strengthen me from the inside out every day.

Whenever I feel stuck in a rut or painful place, I often have my gut

telling me that it’s because I may not yet have the necessary skills, insights, or right mindset to heal and break free from it. This is why I set a goal to learn one new thing every single day. I can then approach life or a particular situation that I’m in from a fresh perspective. The internal shifts that happen don’t have to be huge, but they do add up in a way that makes a significant difference to my life. I gradually become stronger, gain more clarity, and start feeling more confident about taking that first step in a new, healthier direction.

When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life. 

No matter how weak or lost you feel right now, I want you to know this: There’s always a way out and up, and it will always start from within you. From within that place where you set it up as a resident - a permanent part of who you are. Not a guest or temporary whim. As the quote states above, care enough about yourself to know that the actions, not just the outcomes, are a significant and well-deserved gift. A daily decision to give something to you that strengthens and heals.

So tonight, we will be toasting to our track and to yours. I am making a drink I call, "With a Cherry on Top" to symbolize the best of ways we can show ourselves we care...About ourselves. Here's to finding the courage to dig a little deeper and go a little slower toward bringing about a good result. Cheers, Friends.

Joy's With a Cherry on Top Cocktail***

1 1/2 oz of Van Gogh Cherry Vodka
1/2 oz of Disarrono
4 oz of Ginger Ale
Splash of Grenadine
Cherry
Ice

Mix all ingredients in a tall glass filled with ice. Garnish with a cherry on top.

***Always drink responsibly. Never drive after consuming alcohol.