It's another Friday, and time for the Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. This weekend marks the day that in most of the country, we will change the clocks to jump ahead an hour. There are so many aspects of this requirement that people have trouble with, but for me, the time of year points to another reminder. I've noted that each year, around this time change event, I begin to think ahead to milestone dates that are approaching in the coming month. Much like how 'Spring Forward' shakes up the rhythm and cadence of your life, the marked events of April do the same for me and the people closest to me. I thought that tonight, I would share some ways I've learned to spring forward at this time of year with a lot better balance on the landing. And of course, it goes without saying...
Practice makes perfect.
And time heals all things. And we develop muscles in the places where we carry the most massive loads... Cliches yes, but truths that I've depended upon as I've walked through the past 10 years of my life. April 14th will mark the 10th anniversary of the day I received the most devasting news. My oldest son was killed while serving in the Army in Germany. Just five days prior, we had celebrated his 27th birthday in his absence along with his twin sister Michaela. He was 'in the field' practicing for deployment, so I left a voicemail. I had spoken to directly him just the day before. I won't rehash the entire story here, but you can imagine the irony and fits of pain the connection between these two dates have given me.
You know how the time change has you walking
in a bit of fog?
Well, that's precisely how this poignant anniversary month can affect me. In the early years, it colored nearly every day the month before and the month after. And then, there was "Mother's Day" which seemed to become another reminder of the child who was not there to call me. I would get past that one, and then there was "Memorial Day" and the observances filled with emotion. Frankly, I would only start to come out of it around the middle of June, and begin to tend to all of the bruises and scrapes gathered in my 'Spring Forward' period.
A few years ago, I started getting more than a little
annoyed by this.
I began to see that this could become a habit, and not a very healthy one. Like many other habits that become acceptable, no one would fault me for having it. As long as I stayed somewhat functional and vertical, those around me would excuse my slightly dizzy behavior. It's a good thing at times to get some support when we are in a weakened state. No one believes in helping others in a time of need more than me.
There's a balance in allowing a person to remain in that place of need vs. helping them to regain their strength.
If you want to land strong, you need good coaches.
Face it. There are people in our lives that will help us stay sick
because they love to either commiserate or be needed. I could find these people and I still know who they are. But then, there are others who want or maybe even require you to stick your landing as you spring forward into life. As I began to get exasperated by the yearly fog, I began to seek more and more time with those who wanted to be examples of picking up and growing forward. Not only will they encourage you, but you will do the same for them. After all, no one escapes the changing times of life. Even if you live in Arizona or Hawaii.
If you want to spring and not fall, you have to get ready
Ok. So perhaps you don't have stressful and sorrowful times of the year that can bring you down. And maybe the time change effects you little as you love getting up a little earlier and coming home when the Sun is still up. But I would guess that you might have people who you have to interact with occasionally who bring up painful issues, or maybe losses of other types that a sound or memory can bring back full force.
My message to you here and now is that you do not have to allow these things to flop you face down on the floor.
I have found five vital points to changing your perspective while flying through the air when Life takes a swipe at you:
1) Stay there long enough to understand what it is.
As much as you want to skip to the end, remain in the moment of change until you accept what you are dealing with. Yes, that might take a few years. It's okay.
2) While you're flying in the air, get a bird's eye view.
Perspective is best gathered from above. See yourself from the opinion of another. Remove judgment and think of how others might see how you can become whole again. It will uncomplicate and bring clarity.
3) Go back to denial now and then.
There are moments when you will be able to imagine that the worst has not actually happened. Some will condemn this as denial. I call it a break. A time when you can find laughter, song, and dance again. Enjoy those breaks. Your soul needs them to heal.
4) Reconnect to the flying and learn.
The great thing about going through change is that you can utilize the time you continue through it to learn something new from it. The past ten years have brought new lessons and nuggets of wisdom to me each year. They've continued to help me with my landing.
5) Act on what you've learned.
It's easy to forget when you come out of the fog. You're so relieved to be past it that you want to put it behind you. That will only keep you repeating the chronic pain or even the mistakes you made that got you there. Write it down. Talk it out with a good friend. Mark it done Dude. Don't let it be for not.
Changing your perspective mid-spring isn't easy.
But it's worth the sore muscles you'll encounter post landing. There will be times you'll find yourself uttering, "I just can't...", but I urge you not to stay there. Get up and try again. Do it for you, and for those who watch you and need you.
I told Chris I would make this a short one, but once again I have probably gotten long-winded. Thank you for taking the time to consider my thoughts. These pieces have been an essential part of my learning to stick my landings. Tonight, we will toast to being thrown forward and still sticking our landing with a drink called, "The Soft Landing." Here's to taking everything that we've learned from our practices and turning it into a joyous perspective. Cheers, Friends.
The Soft Landing Cocktail***
1 1/2 oz of Grey Goose Vodka
1 1/2 oz of Lychee Puree
1/2 oz of Simple Sugar
1/2 oz of Cointreau
Splash of Grenadine
Place all ingredients in a shaker filled with ice. Shake hard. Strain into cocktail glass. Pour the grenadine in slowly, letting it sink to the bottom softly.
***Always drink responsibly.
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