A Joyous Perspective on Knowing Where You Are: Embracing the 'Why?' vs the 'Why me?'

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. During my week, as I rolled along through each day of life I truly cherish, I started thinking about my joyous perspective. I stopped and took a look backward, which can make me get a little misty at times, and considered what the most important changes I made that helped to create my current more healthy view were. And it all boiled down to one dramatic shift that didn't come easily. In fact, it had to be pried out of my daily thought process. People would be surprised, I think, at just how much of a secret whiner and lamenting person I used to be. I hid it well. But it all began early in my life when I realized that I was not one of those fortunate ones who would find my journey lined with sugar plums. But then, 

“The journey is the reward.” 

~Chinese Proverb

We’ve probably all heard this famous piece of wisdom at one time or another. I’ll be honest, there have been more than a few periods of my life when I just plain blew it off. Like, “Yeah, yeah, journey, reward, I got it. Ancient Chinese Wisdom… Cool. Now, when’s my ship coming in? Not that I was greedy. Just impatient to arrive at a place called I Made It. It seemed that other people were already there and I was eager to join them.
I had heard all about this place called I Made It, and I knew then

and there, it was my kind of place. It was how life was designed to be for me. 

The trick to getting to I Made It is that there wasn’t a ready-made map. You’re supposed to make your own.

But sometimes, we are enabled with a few people (some called Parents, others called Teachers) who are kind enough to offer a few insights into the best and validated markers to look for.  In my case, my map started with, “First, take a hard right at no one here to direct you”. Feel pretty lost. Realize you’re really going to have to figure this out alone. Then, follow this for about three to five years. Eventually, I would get tired and worried, and take an exit. Not really a Rest Stop per se, more like a detour. I told myself that perhaps I didn’t know what my I made it actually looked like. I needed to take some more time to study the map and chart my journey with new information.

After a several of these detours, I realized I was very off track from what my plans had once entailed.

You see, I had big ambitions since my teens, so I expected to arrive in  I Made It early, settle in, and eventually get a summer place in Write Your Own Ticket. I was a go-big-or-go-home sort of girl, but age twenty-five came and went, and I was still traveling. I had run out of gas a few times. Once or twice I needed a tow (waiting for that took several years sometimes). That's when the lamenting started.

“Why me?” 

I would cry as I watched other cars speed past me on their merry way to I Made It. “They’re not even looking over here!” I’d complain enviously. Then I would feel terribly ashamed for not being happy with so many of the good things I found along my road and in my exits. I became determined to see the beauty in my ramps and detours and punished myself mercilessly for my covetous attitude toward the passing travelers.
Oh, but when obstacles were thrown in my path like boulders rolling down a mountain onto the road in front of me, it would

throw gas on my fire of discontent.  I would slam on the breaks, still screaming “Why me?! (Note: The Why Me? are an asexual species who can quickly reproduce when unsupervised, and if you’re not careful, Why Me? will take over your life like Star Trek’s Tribbles.) 
Obstacles and times of struggle are like a form of fertilizer for them.

Then, slowly, over time, with enough miles under my belt, two important things shifted.

First, my definition of “big” in “go-big-or-go-home” changed.

Second, I stopped asking “Why me?” and I started asking “Why?”

I started to realize that Why Me? not only hogged the radio; he wasn’t getting me anywhere, especially not to my destination. So I kicked Why me? to the curb and invited Why? to hop on in.
Why ‘Why?’  You ask? 

Because every lesson, no matter how big or small, starts with a Why?

An objective, clear headed, bold and at times, brave ‘Why?’
Why’s like:
“Why is this happening in a way that I may not have expected, but what is it trying to show me?”


Or: 
“What am I not seeing? Why am I not seeing it?”
And: 
“Why is this situation repeating? I thought I already got this memo. What do I need to learn this time?”
Before I met Why? I would see a set-back as an unwanted detour, or worse, a breakdown. “I’m never getting to I Made It now!” But ‘why?’ helped me to dismantle the dead end barrier and take the path less traveled beyond it. Sometimes scary, and often without lights. But you see, 

the key to riding with Why? is not being afraid to hear the answer. 

Even though you may not want to immediately act upon it, if you keep your mind open, it will always be the kind of response that makes your soul nod a big Yes.
When we invite Why? to join us on our journeys, then life is less of a

boondoggle and more of an elegant mystery, just begging to be solved. Then I Made It begins to seem less and less of a desirable destination because you will realize, as I did, that I had already passed it a long time ago. Why? has been my constant and trusty companion on my journey during these last 15 years. Why? is a great hang. I'm really into him now.

I should warn you that when you first travel with Why?, he can and will rattle your cage. 

Don’t blame him and don’t resist it. This is his job. He’s trying to get you to examine things more deeply than you ever have before.
He even might throw your precious map out the window as you yell, “Hey! I still need that!”
He might run ahead, pulling you along faster than you’re ready to go - taking you to some rest stop you’d swore you’d never visit. Oh, and he’ll pop the hood any chance he gets.
I know Why? seems like a rabble-rouser, especially when you’re not used to his presence. But if you steady yourself and let Why? stick around, you will soon find that he carries great snacks, a unique form of travel insurance, and rarely takes a bathroom break. Pretty soon, you’ll refuse to travel without him by your side.

I owe Why? quite a lot at this point in my life.  Thanks to him, I was able to change how I define “big.”

Why? helped me to find my Joyous Perspective because now, my definition of “big” means health, contentment, flow, inner peace, and blessings for my family, friends, and community. “Big” also means love, joy, hope, oneness, and gratitude. Why? has made my journey the reward.


And the reward has been big.

So tonight, Chris and I will sit by the fire and drink something just right for people of our age called "Why Not?" "Why Not?" is a cousin of "Why?", and he introduced me to her recently. She's quite a challenge, and when the two of them are paired together, you just never know what will happen. Here's to you finding your Why? and the answers to all of his life changing questions. Cheers, Friends!

Joy's Why Not? Cocktail***
1 oz apricot brandy
1 oz gin
1/2 oz dry vermouth
1 dash lemon juice

Shake all ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve.

***Always drink responsibly. Never drive after consuming alcohol.