A Joyous Perspective on Getting to Know Yourself: So You Can Be Yourself.

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. If you have been following my blog even lightly over the past 7 years, you know I’m a little bit of an amateur philosopher. I’ve endeavored to share my personal musings in the hope and belief that they might shed some light on the dark and confusing areas others face. Interestingly, it has ended up helping me most of all. It has forced me to make taking the time to look deeper and put it down in words a priority in my life. It’s not always easy to convey. I chuckle when I hear someone quip that they 'should start a blog'. Sometimes it gets weird. Sometimes it’s a downright wrestling match. Big Time. But I’ve managed to win a lot, and for tonight’s Thought Tale, I thought I would share five keys I’ve used to unlock the closed off places in my mind so they can flow out on the keyboard in front of me and onward to you. 

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” 

~Aristotle

You might consider yourself to be a relatively simple person,

but your mind is a complicated thing. Taking some time, even just a few minutes set aside each day, to think about your thinking can really help you to meet yourself. It pushes you to take responsibility for understanding yourself, your patterns, and habits, so they don’t unconsciously ruin your life and relationships. 
Some would call this critical thinking, but others call it mindfulness.
It sounds incredibly deep and complex, but it is astoundingly simple. It sounds self-centered, and a bit full of the ego, but being honest and aware of your thoughts actually confronts the ego - the part of you that masks who you really are. There’s a big you that hides behind the small you. 

But how do we actually go about this? 

Prioritize yourself. At the end of the day, you are your longest commitment.

Key One: You have to start by taking the time to do this every day. 
Many of us have times of prayer, meditation, or just quiet

times. I would challenge you to consider how much of these times are spent thinking or worrying about others? Instead, begin your time becoming familiar with your psyche or mind, its relentless habits, recurring stories, intricate workings Totally stop and get to know the mind, without having to react or do anything with the content of what’s arising. The mind is a part of us that is always producing thought. Many times, they are just that: Thoughts, not truth. When you take the time to observe your thoughts, you can become more aware of what untruth is cluttering up your life.


Instead of thinking “I’m not good enough” and feeling down or “It won’t work out” and feeling anxious, we can observe what’s going on in our minds and choose not to get caught up in it.

The Lion does not stop to look at the little barking dog. 

~African Proverb

Key Two: Reacquaint yourself with the younger you. 
There is much wisdom and understanding of who you are in these earlier versions of yourself. We are often told that we need to let go of the past to be our best self. While I think this is true, I don’t know if it’s possible to consciously let go of the past without first understanding it and accepting it.
For instance, growing up, I had many rough years in a

broken home. As a teenager and even growing into a young adult, I was defiant, sassy, rebellious, and angry. Not until recently, when revisiting the past, did I realize that I felt ashamed of young Joy and thought she no longer served a role in my life. I had this belief that I needed to “grow up” young Joy instead of meet her. But when I really took a look at her, she had so much to tell me. While I saw that particular patterns from that teenage version of myself no longer served me, I also recognized a warrior with strength and a survivor spirit that are all large parts of who I am today. By honoring her, I could transform her from the “useless, rebellious teenager of the past” to the bold, courageous risk taker who protects this precious life. Not the little barking dog, but a Lion.

Do not be afraid to consider the younger you and what they have to teach you about you.

“Joy lives concealed in grief.” 

~Rumi

Key Three: Meet your grief head on. 
It is perhaps the scariest thing all of us have to do in life. However, once you do it and allow it to process, you will find a release and a brand new sense of self. In our American

culture, we don’t frequently acknowledge this natural wellspring in life. Many of us spend our days avoiding the grief we have all experienced from being human, and not just the loss of another person, but also our broken hearts, crushed dreams, and dashed hopes. And this grief, unfelt, accumulates.

Once this grief is allowed to be experienced, there is a clearing that makes room for joy. And a removal of old stories and unexamined ‘stuff’ is a beautiful way to know the self; it makes room for the real nature and simple joy within us to arise.

It is not necessary to react to everything you notice.

Key Four: Get really clear about your ego. 
Another scary adventure in getting to know yourself is getting to know how you use ego to mask who you really are. This takes careful consideration of all the places where we find ourselves getting caught up. For example, I saw that I worried about what people thought. Because of this, I couldn’t really show up authentically and instead showed up in the mask I

thought would be most accepted. I also saw the part of me that’s drawn to status and power as a way to feel safe and secure. You get the picture. Your ego is steeped in old, dated, unexamined stories and beliefs that keep us fearful, suffering and separated from being ourselves.

Find the courage to get to know the conditioned parts of yourself that constrain you and get you stuck. Be gentle. And remember, it’s not necessary to overreact to what you see. The mask will fall off when it’s ready.

Starve your distractions, feed your focus.

Key Five: Find honest relationships. 
Not just friendships, but those you trust who are committed to self-awareness in the same way you are. The times of sharing and support from a good friend, a therapist, a spiritual teacher, or coach can be an invaluable resource. Without the resources I’ve sought out over these past few years,

the journey of knowing myself wouldn’t have been possible. In a way, you, as a reader, are an honest relationship I have in my life.
Life is filled with distractions that will try to keep us from feeding these healthy and fruitful relationships. It takes a conscious effort to starve those distractions, and feed the need to focus on what is important.  

When we do this, we show ourselves that getting to know others is as important as getting to know you.

Want to be yourself? Get to know and accept yourself.

So tonight, Chris and I will each be drinking what each of us likes the most. For him, a "Half Buck" and for me, a shaken hard Martini. Maybe for you, it’s Chai or Iced Tea. It might be a cold glass of fresh Lemonade or Chocolate Milk. Do you know what really makes you feel relaxed and refreshed? Do not waste another minute not knowing. Here’s to finding out more about ourselves through taking time each day to spend a little time thinking about our thinking. Cheers, Friends!