A Joyous Perspective on the "To Be List": Be More Than a Doer.

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. I did a great deal of thinking this week about how our subconscious mind drives our actions often in a robotic way. Consider how many times you plop yourself behind the wheel of the car and almost without thinking, find yourself at the end of the street. When I thought about this, I realized that for much of my life, the wheels of my mind were being turned by whatever was on my "To-Do" list. But now, while I still find myself off musing while I am driving, I am more likely to be considering my "To-Be" list. What is this you ask? Well to describe it, I have to tell you about how I evolved into it. So here goes.

Most "To Do" lists are measured by what happens when we hit the pillow at night.

You lay your head down, and the mind begins to race. We may compare our daily accomplishments to those of the people who trudged through the hours with us. “Did I do more or better than Jim, John, or Mary?” No matter how much we goofed up if Mary goofed up more than we can sigh with relief and call it a good day as we close our eyes for the night. Your ability to fall asleep may also be disturbed as you ruminate regretfully over all the things you did that you wish you didn’t. 

Do you believe you had a bad day when you didn’t do enough or

do it well enough? 

Perhaps, if that is how you choose to measure life quality, the way, I did for much of my life. I have given the "Marys" of this world plenty to feel right about over the years. I have spent many nights abusing my pillow and tossing and turning as I reflected back on the dids and did nots of my waking hours. I spent my days as a check mark addict, a praise dependent, and a competitive comparison seeker.

I was compelled to set one goal after the other; to continually add “just one more’’ thing to my mile-long to-do list. I believed I had to do to feel like I was enough. So I did, and I did, and I did until I could do no more.

Now, I consider myself a pathological doer in recovery.

Most of us still measure the quality of our daily experiences, the quality of our lives by what we do. 

We seldom determine the value of our life experience by how present we are or on the conscious effort of it all.

What would happen if we did?

What if you ignored the urge to check out the check marks on your to-do lists before getting into our PJ’s and brushing your teeth? What if you sat quietly somewhere before bed and reflected on how you were that day; how you felt and how others seemed to feel around you rather than on what you accomplished and who you did more than? Would the quality of your day change?

Would the rope that ties us to the to-do list be loosened and dropped to the ground?

What if instead of counting off the check marks, you considered some of the following examples of being present and aware during your day. Perhaps you could begin to give yourself points for each of these:
*Were you feeling peaceful and calm at specific points of your day? If so, you can give yourself lots of points for that.

*Were you loving and compassionate with Mary when she spilled coffee all over the stuff you were working on or did you refrain from honking your horn at the slow driver in front of you that made you fifteen minutes late for your appointment? Give yourself, even more, points, if you said yes. Your day score is getting better.

*Were you mindful and aware of the beauty around you? Did you appreciate it? Did you whisper a few words of prayerful gratitude? If so, better still.

*Did you seek stillness and quiet at some point for a few minutes at least? Did you take a moment to just breathe and observe the life force within you? Those are some bonus points.

*Did you reach out a hand of support or offer a few kind words to another, not because you had it on your to-do list, but because it was something you were inclined to do from the heart? Double bonus points.

*Did you smile often? Did you laugh? Did you find moments of unexpected joy? Did you seek them? Triple points.

Did you love what you were doing or most importantly did you enjoy the people around you? Ding ding! Jackpot!

Now those are points worth working for. And they require conscious effort.

And if you still feel you went through the day a little on autopilot and being list driven….

Take heart. Tomorrow will be better.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, for you are not alone. Most of us spend too many moments of our day diminishing its quality by getting too wrapped up in doing. Even in my recovery, I find myself slipping from time to time back into unhealthy doing.

Recognizing the problem is the first step to healing. The first step

is to be more conscious, before you drift off to sleep, about how you are living your life regardless of the things you get done or do not get done. Use today as an example. Reflect, learn and grow from the hours you just experienced. Perhaps like me, you will write a to-be list instead of a to-do list, for tomorrow. Read it first thing every morning.

I will be:
aware
peaceful
a person who seeks reasons to smile and laugh
loving
appreciative
forgiving
thoughtful
supportive
faithful
honest

The quality of your life is determined by who you are, not by what you accomplish. We are, after all, human beings not human doings.

So tonight, Chris and I will toast to just being as we drink some warm Apple Cider with our little granddaughter Violet Joy. If you ever need a reminder of why 'to-do' lists are not as important as 'to-be' lists, just go find a 3-year-old. You'll be reminded of all the beauty in life that can so easily get clouded by a drive to do. Cheers, Friends.