(Hello Friends, Here is a lovely little ditty I shared a couple of years ago. It's a niche October post, for an evening that I am practicing what I so often preach. Enjoy)
On this Friday Night Thought Tale Hour at the Hendersons, I want to talk about a subject that we all have to face one day. Some of us will get a chance to ponder it, and others will only consider it in advance and not even realize when it happens. In the blink of an eye, our time here on earth will be complete. Perhaps there’s no greater fear than leaving this world with our most essential goals unfinished. Yet, with the constant multiplication of our never-ending hopes and dreams, are we destined to live an incomplete life of mediocrity? Is it possible to find balanced satisfaction? It all hit home when I read this quote from Da Vinci:
“While I thought that I was learning how to live,
I have been learning how to die.”
~Da Vinci
Now here was a man who did a lot in his life and left behind much to show for it. And yet, this quote screams regret to me. I started wondering if he ever had what it seems many people over 40ish are obsessed with - a bucket list. When I made one, I had over 50 things I wanted to do. When I managed to cross one off the list, and I immediately added ten more. This was a list that apparently could not ever be defined entirely or finished. And I don't want to be known for what I didn't complete, or never did, do you?
Perhaps it doesn’t have to be that way.
Will it matter what my bucket list looked like on my deathbed? Is that what people would be talking about? Experience tells me they would be talking about who I was, not how I did things. Instead of thinking of what I wanted to do with my life, I started focusing on things I didn’t want to say about myself when it was time for me to go.
I decided this list should be called my "Colander List." You know, that kitchen tool you use to drain off what you don't need and keep only the good stuff. I made a list of the things I'm working to drain off of my life, and how I can keep them off with practice. These are the things I don't want to be said at the scattering of my ashes. The best part of each one is that they don't leave me feeling the need to do more. They offer me complete satisfaction.
So, don't let it be said that....
I spent my entire life in a comfort zone.
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Eddy being comfortable.
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There’s no bigger waste of your time than doing the same thing over and over waiting for something exciting to happen. Escaping the confinement of comfort is a struggle for anyone at first. I like snuggling under my favorite blanket on the couch as much as anyone else. But I can't live there every day or even every weekend.
Instead, practice this: Grow some goosebumps every now and then. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Because when you’re looking at your life as a whole, you’ll be proud if you don’t have to say the most unease you felt was choosing what to watch on Netflix to waste the night away.
I let anger get the best of me and control my reactions.
Anger is a normal emotion. At times, it’s entirely justifiable. But when we let anger control us, we can't keep a clear head. It will bring havoc all our most important relationships.
Instead, practice this: Thicken your skin, soften your heart. When anger brings emotion to the surface, trade it in for empathy for the person you are focusing upon. Run it through the colander of human understanding, and it will often bring you down to a manageable level of indignation. One that you control.
I spent too much time around damaging people.
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Family time is precious time.
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There comes a time when you must face the reality that not everyone you spend your time with is actually benefitting your well-being.
Instead, practice this: Value your time. If you want to make the most of your time you have here, it’s essential you minimize your time with people who drain you emotionally, disrespect you, or otherwise treat you poorly. When you stop spending time with people who aren’t positive additions to your life, you open yourself up to relationships with people who will uplift and support you.
I didn’t give as much as I gathered.
It’s easy to forget that nothing tangible comes to us after we die. Whatever you have gets left behind. So why do we spend valuable years of our lives gathering and storing rather than giving? This goes beyond just money and stuff. It's your time and your energy too.
Instead, practice this: Give, then give some more. Stop being scared that you'll outlive your resources. It's only fear that keeps us from letting go of what we think we can't share. If you didn't learn this as a child, start now. It's never too late.
I thought I knew everything.
No matter how "degreed" or lettered you are, you haven't reached the end of your ability to learn. When you stop learning, you stop growing. You can act like a know it all, but you really don't. Keeping up the action stunts you.
Instead, practice this: Discover and absorb. Constant learning allows us to discover new things about ourselves and the world, and our experiences teach us things that could never be taught in a classroom.
I.Q. is a capacity to learn. Exercise it daily. Don't get flabby.
I never made any mistakes.
It seems counterintuitive to wish for failure, but our mistakes are what allow us to grow. The point isn’t to make as many errors as possible, but to learn from our mistakes. It’s not so many mistakes that matter, but having the courage to let them happen.
Instead, practice this: Take risks. Every great revelation, invention, or revolution started with hundreds of mistakes before it, until one miracle made it all worth it. Risk allows the miraculous to happen.
I hated my job.
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I love the people I work with! (still do here in 2017)
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If you don’t enjoy your job now, that’s okay; many feel the same. But if by the time you lay on your deathbed you still hate it and never left, that’s a problem.
You won’t want to look back and say you took the easy route and played it safe, accepting that you were never supposed to do anything meaningful with your life.
Instead, practice this: Make a plan. Leaving a job is scary, especially when raising a family. It doesn’t mean you should quit today, but implementing an exit plan toward a career you actually do enjoy will relieve yourself from years of misery and regret.
I spent my entire life trying to be someone else.
It’s become the norm to follow the crowd, adapt to the trends, follow the hashtags, and want to be in the majority, with the 'winners.' But if this stays your norm, you never encounter the person you really are because you’ve been camouflaged and morphed by the identity of the society. You'll be chasing other people's dreams, not your own.
Instead, practice this: Find your inner oddity. It takes time and effort to truly understand yourself. It's also a little scary, which is why we avoid it. But the practice will give you information about what makes you unique and how your uniqueness can help you leave the world a better place than you found it.
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The end is looking bright.
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Another high achiever said something that gives me hope....
As I compiled my Colander list, a favorite passage from the book of Ecclesiastes kept coming to mind: "The end of a matter is better than its beginning; Patience of spirit is better than haughtiness of spirit." (Ecc. 7:8) It struck me that the bucket list is one of proving something and being filled with pride while my colander list required the belief that we will ultimately be measured by our actions toward others. So tonight, we are toasting to better endings as we drink something I call "Kicking the Bucket." It doesn’t matter if you swim with sharks, travel to every country, and take the first ride of space tourism; what matters is how you live your life, how well you take care of yourself, and how well you take care of others. These are the things people will measure, not the size of your bucket. CHEERS, FRIENDS!
Joy's Kicking the bucket cocktail***
4 shots Cruzan vanilla rum
4 shots cream of coconut (sweetened coconut cream, such as Coco Lopez)
4 shots of Absolute Coconut Vodka
4 shots of Three Olives "Dude" Vodka
1 shot agave nectar
1/4 fresh lime
2 large cups ice
Lime wedges, for garnish
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