A Joyous Perspective on Perspective: Remaining present in a roller coaster life.

It's Friday, and time for another Friday Night Thought Tale Hour with the Hendersons. This week, I found myself in the midst of what one can only call a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows. On the one hand, experiencing victories and on another facing uncertainty about outcomes. Feeling excited about achievement while being very aware of an error that needs correction. Through it all, I began to consider and redirect myself back to how and why these very ups and downs can have such a dramatic impact on how we proceed through our lives or why we find ourselves stuck in a place where we cannot seem to move forward. The most challenging part of it all is that most of these emotions are connected to events that we simply have no control over. They just come at us randomly, even the most awesome ones, many times out of nowhere. These are not goals we've worked toward or plans we've made; instead, they are often on the fringes of these things. But somehow, we find ourselves shocked or surprised as though we are newborn babes in this thing called life.

And the truth is, it's the enemy within, 

not the one on the outside, that will hurt you the most.

We focus on where the event is coming from, but instead, we should put our eyes inward to see why it is shaking us up so much. It is our perspective about this activity that makes all the difference. We can't change the way the event is delivered, but we can calm our expectations and control the way we respond. Sure, it's great to want good things to happen and to find ways to support an outcome we desire. But when we consistently attach ourselves to specific results, as if our life depends on them, we will feel devastated when things just don’t work out.

Don't get me wrong, I love positive thinking and potent mantras, but they are made even more realistic when tempered with balance. Speaking the phrase - “The Universe is for me and so is everything else” is a beautiful and uplifting intention, but you must be steadfast in knowing that there may be challenges to achieving this reality. A definite purpose is more than just one that sounds good. It is one that is certain, not ambiguous. In other words, when I utter, “Everything is as it should be,” I am ready to accept that it really is… The good, the bad, and the ugly.

When I look back at my life and what  I thought were huge victories and setbacks at the time, they seem insignificant now. My life wasn't over, as I believed it to be, nor was it set in stone. And truthfully, I wouldn't want either, right? We want the next step, and we want the ability to begin again. To turn it around or push it forward.

I've come to accept that no matter what happens, life goes on. Celebrations and challenges are a part of everyone's life, not the be-all and end-all.  Here’s a shortlist of some things I’ve learned to incorporate into my life that I think could be useful to you if you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster:

4 Practices to Help You Maintain Peace and Perspective

1. Expect twists and turns.

Unexpected events happen to everyone. It’s important to acknowledge them as a part of life and plan for them when possible. Some twists and turns are more emotionally trying than a simple SNAFU, and far more challenging to accept. But if we learn to expect the unexpected, we’ll spend less time resisting life’s inevitable curveballs and more time proactively dealing with them.







2. Look at the big picture.

Painful events and experiences happen to everyone. Sometimes, they’re so painful that it feels like nothing will ever take away the feeling of sorrow or hurt. But everything heals in time, and occasionally good can come from even the most traumatic situations. Instead of using your emotional energy to experience sorrow, try using it to find the lessons. Not lessons to punish, but lessons to help us bring higher value to what we have that remains beyond any loss or struggle. There will be many moments in the future, both blissful and challenging.
Some of life’s most significant challenges end up being our most excellent teachers. You may not be able to control what happens, but you can decide what lessons you choose to learn from them.

3. Practice self-care.
When was the last time you did something beautiful for yourself? Most of us spend our time running errands or doing work for other people but rarely do we pause and enjoy a moment solely for the sake of it. By continually putting ourselves in stressful situations, we end up damaging our health in the long run. Make time for yourself. Sit and listen to your favorite music, pursue your hobby, or meditate. Some of my favorite ways to de-stress include taking a walk with my dog, or sitting outside with a good book. When you take care of yourself, you feel more centered, more peaceful, and better able to handle whatever life throws at you.

4. Practice patience.
Sometimes it feels like life is a continually unraveling story. The only problem is, we want to jump straight to the end and see what happens. We feel anxious when something in our life is unresolved—an “open loop,” they call it. It makes our heart rate go up and creates tension within ourselves, both of which are unhealthy. It’s been difficult, but I’ve been trying to be more patient. To do this, I direct my thoughts and attention to productive things. These might include focusing on the actions rather than the result. When I’m patient, it becomes easier to deal with both celebrations and setbacks. Knowing that sometimes only time can resolve a situation gives me the ability to let go and be present. And it’s always easier to be peaceful when you’re living in the moment.

When life brings you hardship, you can choose to be a victim - a survivor - 

or better yet - to be a conqueror.

We all experience disappointments and serendipitous moments. But if you're exhausted from continually reacting to the ups and downs in your life, it's time to step back and reflect on how you respond to things. Inner peace comes from appreciating life, with all its quirks and bumps. It's about doing what you can, knowing that sometimes the path you choose will take unexpected turns.

And amid the storm, at times of uncertainty, when a misunderstanding is at your door, instead of trying to assign blame or beating yourself up or worse yet - ignoring it all and hiding in a hole - consider this mantra/prayer: 

Everything is as it should be.

You'll be amazed at the immediate sense of acceptance and relief those six words can bring.

So tonight, Chris and I will be toasting to the next twist - perhaps snow on the pumpkin - as we drink something I call "And then there was..." A reminder that every story in our life has been written. There are many more which have yet to begin. And that's okay. Cheers, Friends!

Joy's 'And then there was...' Cocktail**

1 oz of Rye Whiskey

1 oz of Disarrono

1/2 oz of Frangelico

Pour all one at a time in a Highball glass. Swirl it around. Garnish with a cherry. 

**Always drink responsibly.